There have been disputes about any number of things since recorded history. In the world today, one way to settle disputes is with a judge. Judges provide a mechanism for interpreting and understanding events. In addition, a jury of individual people makes a decision on whether a person is innocent or guilty in a case where that person has been accused of doing something wrong or harmful that possibly warrants reciprocity.  Let’s call this scenario a ‘judgement’, a situation where someone has one or more people draw a conclusion about someone, based on evidence presented by multiple persons.

I had the opportunity to hear an individual speak a little bit about judging a couple weeks ago on Sunday.  I was so impressed by what this person had to say and would like to relay a little bit of what they had to offer, as well as some insights of my own.  The end result, I hope will be each of you reading taking a step back and at least giving consideration to the words you read, which relate to judging people.  I would like to talk about our own spheres of life we live in, the spheres of life of others, the intersecting of those spheres, and the importance of understanding our own lack of knowledge.

Our Own Spheres of Life

First and foremost, I am not the expert on judging.  It is something I have to work on each and every day.  But the insights I have to share on it I believe are worth looking into.  I hope you will read, give consideration, and apply what I have to say about judging people.

Each of us individually have lived up to a certain point in our lives.  We have experienced events, come in contact with other people, and formulated our own idea of what existence really is.  We may even be so sure of ourselves that we start to get over-confident.  Perhaps we find faults with people whose view of existence does not match what we have.  I can say for myself that a weakness I have had to overcome was seeing people who did not match my idea of existence and drawing conclusions about those people that I had no business doing.

Let’s take a circle and put each of us in that circle.  That circle represents the accumulation of our life experiences and our view of what reality is.  Take a moment and think about what your view of life is.  What do you think about religion, science, sports, politics, money, the environment, health, food, and so on?  Really think about what your view of existence really is.  This is only part of it.  To really understand your views, you have to come in contact with people who don’t have the same views as you.  These people should immediately stand out to you and you can recognize the difference right away.

The Spheres of Life of Others

Guess what?  Other people have lived up to a certain point in their lives too.  They too have a certain picture of what existence is.  They have their own ideas about a lot of the things you have ideas about.  Chances are, not all of their ideas are going to be the same as yours.  Picture everyone you meet with a sphere surrounding them.  Try to understand that each and every person has life experiences that have molded them into the person they are.  When this is done, understanding people becomes easier.

To know the sphere of life of another individual takes time and spending time with that person.  If you truly want to get to know someone, talk about their life experiences and the things they are interested in.  By understanding the nature of someone, it becomes easier to see why they do the things they do.  Can’t understand why someone is spending so much time at work?  Maybe that person had to work when they were young to help support the family.  Maybe they have an idea that working extra hard is necessary.  Don’t be so quick to formulate a negative opinion about people just because their behavior seems to be out of your sphere of reasonability.

The Intersecting of Spheres of Life

Many of the problems in the world today stem from the intersecting of spheres of life of individuals and the lack of understanding and cooperation therein.  These problems stem from minor conflicts, to full scale wars in the world today.  I am convinced that one of the problems is a jumping to conclusions about someone before getting all the facts straight.  There are plenty of people placing blame and backbiting that it really takes someone doing a full investigation over a lengthy period of time before an even close to accurate decision can be made.  Let me give a list of things to help iterate this:

• Just because someone says something that rubs you the wrong way does not mean that person is intentionally trying to make you mad.
• Because someone does not talk to you does not necessarily mean they don’t like you.
• If you are angry, it does not mean that your anger is a correct response.
• There is almost always a reason that someone does something, even if that reason is hidden to you.
• Each and every person is growing and learning through life.  People will make mistakes, yourself included.

Take a minute and digest what these points are saying.  The end result is that if we really understand that the world if a large place filled with people of different types, then we can safely say that nothing is ever as simple as saying that someone is who you think they appear to be.  By taking time to gather true evidence, show a little kindness to people, you will help bring out the best in people and make the world a better place.

Understanding Our Own Lack of Knowledge

If we took the billions of people and looked at them, each with their own spheres, then the realization is one of many different views on life.  And even the combining of everyone’s spheres of life here on earth, that total knowledge of exact existence and correctness of all events is still relatively small.  With that realization, an approach of first, I do not have all knowledge and power, therefore, I must leave room for error on my part.  And second, I must take time to gather knowledge and evidence, and if I must form a conclusion, do it with as much love and kindness as possible.  I believe that most people here on earth are good people that just make mistakes.

I would suggest a kindness approach.  When you look at people and realize they are just trying to understand and get through life just like you, then you can be much more accepting of them.  Even if you think someone has made a mistake, that does not mean you are correct in that they made a mistake.  It is just your interpretation of their behavior.  Show some love and kindess and help build other people up.  You will find a lot of tension going out the window and situations becoming better.

I hope I’ve been able to offer some insight into juding others.  If nothing else, adopt a kindness and understanding approach before even gathering evidence to draw a conclusion about another individual.  By doing this, I know you will become wiser and have a happier life.

The olympics have recently finished and I’ve been following the United States men’s basketball team for the last few years. The team won the gold medal in the Olympics this year (2008) by beating Spain.  The team has done pretty well with a couple challenges in the past. Being a basketball fan, there is much interest for me in this team - they are a team of all NBA basketball players. I would like to share some things about this team that I believe are of note and may possibly be of benefit to those reading.

A Little History

Back in 1992, the Olympics began to allow NBA players to play.  This led to the U.S. easily capturing the gold medal that year.  In 1996 the same thing happened.  In 2000, the U.S. did pretty well, but had some close calls.  They only beat Lithuania by 2 points, but won the gold medal again beating France.  In 2002, the U.S. began losing basketball games in international competition.  In 2004, the U.S. won the bronze medal in the Olympics after losing to Argentina in the semi-finals (final four teams).  The U.S. team faced much scrutiny with losing in international competition and some would say that the loosely throwing a team together of ‘NBA stars’ was no longer working.

2006 - 2008

One thing I really like is that the coach of Duke University, Mike Krzyzewski, was put in place to lead the U.S. team.  If you do not know who this man is, please read about him here.  He is an amazing man and a terrific basketball coach.  Not only that, a team was put together with some NBA stars, and other players who filled specific roles like shooting specialists.  I believe in 2006, that a team chemistry began that started to propel the U.S. forward.  Even though the U.S. lost to Greece in the 2006 world championships (their only loss), I could tell that things were turning around.

Hard Work, Dedication, and Lessons Learned

You can find a series of videos entitled, ‘Road to Redemption’ about the U.S. basketball team here.  I recommend watching all of them, they are very interesting.  The things that stand out to me are the immense amount of time that the team is spending preparing for the Olympics.  And the Oympics were just a month long or so.  The players on the team all make millions of dollars and have more money than most of us could ever dream of.  It would be very easy for them to not want to participate in the Olympics.  Just by watching the videos, you can see the tremendous effort that the team, coaches, and other managers are putting in.  How many of us, if we had millions of dollars, would still be working this hard?

I believe the U.S. learned some valuable lessons from losing in international competition for basketball.  They realized that being complacent and not giving maximum effort will not yield the best results.  They are realizing that hard work and dedication pays off.  These are lessons that we can all learn from.  Are you frustrated that things are not happening in your life?  Start by getting dedicated and putting in hard work.  See if things don’t start turning around eventually.

This journey of the U.S. basketball team has influenced my life.  I truly am amazed by their hard work and dedication, and it is an example to me for what I should be doing in my life.  Though I may never meet any of the players on the U.S. team, they have inspired me and are an example that helps me in my life.

Here’s a tip for all of you reading.  Don’t get a tummy bug.  This simple tip will save you many hours of newfound moaning and groaning.  Of course I don’t have the magic formula for never getting the tummy bug, but I do want to share the amazing transformation that may take place when you get the tummy bug.

It truly is amazing.  The moment a tummy bug is realized in me, it’s as if all resources, every ounce of energy is immediately diverted to this icky intruder.  Whatever my problems were before, they are over.  The tummy bug is the only problem that matters now.

Your Past Worries are Gone

Whatever worries you have in your life, whether it be money, job security, insecurity with yourself, or whatever it may be, the amazing tummy bug will crush those worries like a giant stepping on a bush.  They will be gone.  You will forget that a girl turned you down for a date or that you got fired or that you don’t have much money.  Instead, the tummy bug will remove all problems and leave you with just one problem.  And that is the churning, all-consuming pain and anguish that is the tummy bug.  But hey, at least your other problems are gone!

Newfound Focus

It is amazing the focus that having the tummy bug generates.  It is truly of epic proportions.  Having trouble concentrating on one thing?  No problem, go get the tummy bug and you will gain more focus than Bobby Fischer could have ever had playing chess.  Granted that focus will be solely on managing the pain in your stomach, potentially taking medicine, and fighting your newfound pain, but at least you will have focus!

Fear is Gone

Were you afraid of something happening, or talking to someone in the past?  With the tummy bug, this no longer matters.  The tummy bug cures fear!  King Tut could come back from the dead, waltz into your room and threaten your soul.  And this won’t phase you, it will be as a gnat barely brushing against you.  After all, the twisting and writhing you are experiencing from your tummy bug has your attention for the moment.

Newfound Determination

Motivation may be hard for some.  But get the tummy bug.  You will find motivation you never thought you had with the tummy bug.  Your will garner such an intense motivation to get better that you will be able to write the book on motivation and doing everything possible to achieve something.  This can range from loud moans and groans, to desperate prayers of tummy soothing, to researching until you are blue in the face about how to treat a tummy bug.  You may even consume as much Pepto Bismol as you can to help your stomach.

Respect Received

In the end, you will respect the tummy bug after recently having it.  You will protect yourself from it, do all you can to not get it.  It is yucky.  It will turn your life upside down for a couple days.  You will look behind you more when you are alone, ever watching for the tummy bug.  And when years have passed and the tummy bug is becoming a distant memory, it will begin to try and creep back into your life, and perhaps the tummy bug cycle will begin again!  Perhaps the tummy bug is a way to keep us all in check.  Either that, or it’s just something to really annoy the heck out of us.

Life is full of different events, moods, and circumstances. Sometimes we’re happy, other times sad. We may even get depressed here and there. I believe that each of us goes through a variety of emotions as we live day to day, week to week, and year to year. It is this which I wish to talk about and hopefully generate some perspective on. I hope by reading that you will better be able to put into perspective your lives and further orient yourself towards happiness.

There is a weather map here.  As you can see on the weather map, there are ‘fronts’ displayed on the United States, Canada, and Mexico.  There are cold fronts (the blue lines with triangles) and warm fronts (the red lines with circles).  Cold fronts are masses of cooler and dryer air.  Warm fronts are masses of warmer air.  The effects of a warm front can mean warmer and nicer weather, while a cold front can bring a drop in temperature with uncomfortable effects.  Both warm and cold fronts play a large role in the weather we experience each and every day.

I would like to talk about each of our lives as we experience shifts in weather as it pertains to our situations, state of being, and perspective.  I believe there are many ‘fronts’ we each experience and understanding and properly interpreting them is a key for understanding and getting through life in a positive manner.

Warm Fronts

There are times in life when the weather seems perfect.  Everything is going well.  Perhaps you just got your dream job and are making lots of money.  Maybe you just won a basketball game that you worked hard for.  Or maybe you just met the man/woman of your dreams and nothing could be better.  Take a moment and really think about your life and all the good things that have happened.  I hope that this takes a while and that you’ve been blessed with many good things.  Think about how good you felt during those good things.  Now let me share with you a few things about this.

While wonderful things are happening, take a look at one constant thing - yourself and a perspective of yourself and others.  Even though things may be good for you, others may be in a worse off position.  How thankful are you at that time for your health, success, and happiness?  Look at what has brought on the wonderful things in your life.  Even take time to see that if some of the things that appear to be good are actually disguised or covering up something that is bad.  It’s very easy to be on ‘cloud 9′ or in a euphoric state during wonderful things.  While I am not advocating not getting excited, I recommend to you to always keep a sense of realism and understanding, no matter how good things seem to be going.  Always keep yourself in check and be happy with what you have, but never content.

Cold Fronts

Sometimes in life, the weather gets gloomy, the cold sets in, and things just seem to be off.  Take a moment and think about your life.  Think about some of the negative things that have happened.  I don’t mean for you to dwell on these things, but it is important to realize them.  Perhaps you’ve had a nasty divorce or two.  Maybe you just lost a great job.  Or you lost the basketball game you worked so hard for.  Maybe your health is suffering.  There are a slew of things that can go wrong in life.

Again, take a look at yourself when things are going wrong.  I have no doubt that most people can figure out how things went wrong.  Maybe you were not assertive or educated enough while at a job interview, which cost you a job.  Perhaps you have been neglecting your spouse and they have grown distant from you.  Whatever the turmoil is, there is a reason it is there.  And you can most often look at yourself to see why it is there.  Keep a level head and maintain happiness even when things are gloomy.  I myself am in a ‘cold front’ right now (as of Aug. 21 2008).  I don’t have a full time job, money is very tight, and my wife’s insurance is about up.  I am doing the best I can to rectify this situation.

Maintaining Perspective

I spent a couple years in Ireland many years ago from 1997 - 1999.  I was there on a service mission for church.  My family paid for this.  Not only that, I spent many days in the rain, getting drenched as I went around trying to help other people.  At around the age of 20, it was very hard for me to keep perspective.  Trudging around in the rain just plain sucked!  Many years later, it is now funny how I love to be in the rain for long periods of time!

The perspective to have here is that even things which appear awful or gloomy in life, may not be so.  I hurt my left hand in high school during basketball season.  At first I was very frustrated.  It was my left hand and I am left handed.  However, after a few weeks, I had used my right hand so much, that I gained some skill using my right hand.  Being able to use both hands in basketball is a very beneficial skill.  There is a saying that it is always darkest before the dawn.  I do believe that when challenges are hitting and things are going rough, that this is the storm that must be weathered until the calm arrives and great things start happening. I will not be surprised if the things in my life which are rough right now turn into some wonderful things happening in the months ahead.

The same calm and optimistic demeanor that is necessary during bad times must also be had during the good times.  I am convinced that the more we can keep the same composure when things are going good or bad, the more we will have perspective and be able to handle any situation.  Whether you have millions of dollars and a happy family, or you are struggling to make ends meet, take a look at yourself.  Be thankful - understand the good and bad.  Do what you can to correct the bad things in your life.  I know that with faith, determination, and patience, that life can be managed, endured, learned from, and ultimately prosperous.

Every so often in the news, you hear about the winner of some gigantic lottery. This person won $20,000,000 in the multi mega millions lottery sweep stakes. Their life is forever changed and they never have to be concerned about money anymore. Actually, they now have to be very concerned about money and if they do not, disaster, bankruptcy, and running from creditors will be the next step.  Guessing about anything, particularly money, is generally not a good idea.

Or there is the night before a school exam.  You haven’t studied and you cram for an hour.  You also cram for a few minutes before the test.  When you get your test, it is the equivalent of you being placed in front of stone tablets with egyptian hieroglyphics written and you are being asked to translate.  In this case you could say, “The tablets say the cows ate up all the nachos and boy did they taste good.”  You could also say, “The tablets say that the Egyptians were an ancient people and had tombs with mummies in them and they built the pyramids.”  The second is more of an educated guess, but in realtiy, in both cases, you are really talking out of your you know what.  You are guessing in all its glory.  You do not have knowledge of what exactly is needed.

Ok, so what’s the problem with guessing?

In most cases, guessing is not the most efficient way to approach a situation.  It leaves things to chance and luck, usually with very low chances of success.  Ever taken a test that you didn’t study for and you didn’t know much about?  Chances are you got a very low grade.  Yes, there are some geniuses who can probably wing it and ace the test anyways, but these are geniuses, half of a half of a percent.

It is much easier to guess at something right away without doing any research or studying on it.  But in the end, all you have really done is just sloppily eliminated one wrong way of doing something.  I have heard many people give the example of approaches to doing something as it relates to ‘ready-aim-fire’.  I will use this example.  I like it and I think it fits.

Imagine you are holding a sniper rifle like the marine in this picture. And you have to hit many targets with this weapon and hit them dead on - or your mission will not be complete. You also have a limited number of shots and a limited amount of time.  Now think for a moment what would happen if this marine decided to just stand up, start pointing his weapon around, and firing at random, hoping he hits his targets?

There’s a good chance he would be out of ammunition (the stuff that his rifle shoots), and have missed his mark on most, if not all, his targets.  Not only that, there is a chance that he could hurt anyone that is around him because of the danger his guessing with this weapon is causing.  He may not even realize he has hurt those people either because of the long range of his weapon.  He was just hoping that he hit all his targets and meant no harm to any people that were around.

That’s right, he was just hoping he hit his targets and didn’t really realize he could potentially hurt other people.  This is one scenario that could happen.  And it is an all too common scenario in our lives today.  The abundance of guessing and not having a sure knowledge leave our lives to random chance.  This is a scary thing!  Let’s look at some theoretical examples to illustrate this point.

•  I’d like to start a business and become a millionaire.  I’ll just get an equity loan on my house, a small business loan, max out my credit cards, and hire a bunch of people.  Maybe this will work out for me.
• Gosh, I’d like to lose weight.  There’s good foods out there, but I can’t really be bothered to eat them.  Besides, I don’t know how to cook and I don’t know what the best foods for me are or how much to eat or where to buy them.
• I’m so excited to get married soon.  Me and my wife are going to have a wonderful marriage.  We’re going to have kids and live happily ever after.
• I just can’t find love.  Everybody I get involved with is a jerk.  What is wrong with me?
• I just don’t feel good.  I’m tired, feel sick all the time, and am not happy, what do I do?

These (and many more are situations in life) are often handled by taking the approach that our marine friend here could take.  And that is to just fire randomly and hope for the best.  In the end, the likely outcome is to be worse off than before and have made no real progress.

The disaster of guessing is realized usually after an unwanted conclusion of what is trying to be figured out.  This conclusion may be a business that has failed or is on the brink of failing.  It may be being overweight to the point of being uncomfortable.  It may be after being married for a long time realizing that you aren’t compatible with your spouse or that marriage is not for you.  Perhaps it is seeing countless failed relationships in your life and wondering what is wrong.  Or you may feel sick all the time and generally just not be happy.

Regardless of what it is, it must be realized that the majority of us have people in our lives that are close to us, are our friends, or are people that rely on us for things (such as a job or being provided food and shelter).  Be very careful about simply guessing and hoping things work out.  Take into careful consideration all the angles you are affecting with your decisions.  By doing this, you will avoid conflict and unpleasent circumstances.

The general point here is that the general way to go through life seems to be a pattern of just getting by and seeing what happens.  I believe the truly successful people don’t do very much guessing.  Sure there may be some trial and error.  But I believe that the great leaders and the people who are really successful in this world, those are the people who are taking a different approach.  They are realizing truths, getting educated, increasing in intelligence, and make decisions with sound evidence and support.  It is this which I would like to talk about now.

Our marine friend, with the sniper rifle in hand, can take a different approach to hitting his targets.  He can get into a comfortable firing position.  He can get his balance and focus his eye into his gun scope.  He can be very observant of his environment and any sign of moving targets or targets that are fake.  He can observe where other people are so as not to potentially injure them while shooting.  He can take many different precautions.

As he trains and takes all these precautions, his awareness will allow him to have a much better chance of hitting his targets.  Sure, he may not hit any of his targets still.  He may only hit a few.  But he has a better chance to hit at least some, if not all of them by taking the necessary steps to prepare and educate himself.  Making the decision after having control over himself and his environment will give him focus and increase the odds of success.

What We Can All Do

To reduce guessing, there are many things that can be done.  All guessing eliminators require work.  You cannot sit on your hands watching TV all day, or playing video games all day and expect that you are going to have success in your endeavors (unless you are a video game tester or some profession like that).  This is the hard part.  Even I struggle with it.  I mean, who wants to spend their free time reading, learning, and finding out what other people are doing?  Well, for true success and guess elimination, this is what is required.  The guessing eliminators are:

• Increasing education through study of online material, the best books, meaningful collaboration with others, and the observance of other people.
• Maintaining health through proper eating, exercise, rest, and the study of what is good for our bodies and what is not.
• Quiet and peaceful meditation in order to orient what our goals and dreams are.  Careful thought on adapting to situations.

These three things are very powerful.  Are they easy to do?  No they are not.  Like I said, I struggle with them just like I’m sure the majority of you struggle with them.  But I know what they are and I take time to do them.  There is no simple quick fix to guesing in our lives.  Each problem has a solution.  But that solution is a whole of things that must be done.  Drjerm exists to provide the whole puzzle that must be put together before challenges can really start being overcome.

By educationg yourself, maintaining good health, and constantly meditating and seeking to understand yourself, others, and your path in life, you will begin to see things otherwise hidden.  You will begin to see solutions to problems.  I am doing my blog and website here at Drjerm.  I face challenges with doing it.  I started off by guessing.  But I’ve realized that this isn’t going to work too well.  Now I have a different approach.  The material I create I realize is for people looking for answers in life.  Anything I create is something I believe is a direct answer to questions people are having.

Do I still have things to figure out.  Of course!  I am still working on the whole getting visitors to my website and increasing traffic thing.  I find many website owners struggling with this.  My website gets about 15 visitors a day right now.  I would love to increase this to 100 or 500 or more!  To do this, I am coming up with ideas such as business cards I can leave with people, word of mouth through my family and friends, and increasing the quality of material on my website and blog.

Does this mean I will succeed?  I believe it does and that eventually I will have a heavily trafficed website and blog.  But it may take a long while and much more education for myself.  I may not see success for some time.  But I believe I am on the right track.  I’ve learned being upfront and honest about yourself is important and I’ve done that.  Doing Google videos is important and I am doing that.  I figured out how to sign up for Google Adsense and I am doing that.  I signed up as an Amazon affiliate and I have relevant products on my site now.  Slowly over time as I discover more resources, I will have more that I can do, and eventually, I will hit that ’sweet spot’ where things just start rolling.

The main thing is if you do not know something, find out what other people have to say about it.  Draw your own conclusions about whether you think what was said is worthwhile.  Make decisions based on evidence where possible.  I know that with effort and faith, that you can avoid guessing and start making powerful decisions!

When I was young, I played basketball for our high school in Michigan.  Our coach decided that he would take us to an area called ‘Pretty Lake’.  Here, as a team, we would learn to come together.  We would go through a series of tasks that would require us to have the assistance of other people on the team.  There was a giant wall we all needed to climb.  As such, we would get on each others shoulders, lift each other up, and eventually, we all got over.

In an area with tall trees, several ropes and wooden boards were high above the ground.  By high above the ground, I mean 20 feet or so.  The whole team went up, with harnesses on, and had to go through a series of steps to navigate an obstacle course way above the ground.  One such obstacle was two ropes tied to two trees in which you had to cross by holding on to someone in front of you so that each of you had your weight on your rope and you moved sideways until you crossed, each of you on your own rope.  In this case, working together was required.  It was a fairly frightening experience for me as heights are not something that I enjoy.

I look back on this trip with fond memories and saw the immensity of working together that was required.  I look at marriages today and the same effort, if not more, working together is required if marriages are to last.

My wife and I have been married for 7 1/2 years now and I would consider us to have a very good marriage.  We have difficult times for sure, but overall, we have a marriage that I am very proud of.  Our marriage takes sacrifice and comprimise, understanding, creating memories together, and understanding realities.  I would go as far to say that marriage is not easy and takes hard work to keep the relationship great.

Sacrifice and Comprimise

I am a selfish person by nature. I love to do projects on my own and not have people get in the way. I have been able to overcome this as I get older and wise up. I am learning that a strong marriage requires me to make sacrifices.  This means taking care of our young daughter Ellie and giving my wife a break.  It means doing dishes and mowing the grass.  It means making sure we are taken care of financially.

If you do not want to make sacrifices or are only thinking of yourself, your marriage is going to be in trouble.  Or if you are not yet married, take a hard look at yourself.  Ask yourself if you are willing to spend time serving and helping someone else.  When you have kids, this becomes amplified, and your sacrifice will be required even more.  Living the life of a bachelor is far different than working in a committed marriage.

Understanding

Over the course of my marriage, I have made many mistakes. I continue to make mistakes. Both people in a marriage will make mistakes of different kinds. Realize that we are all human. Mistakes happen. Don’t snap at your spouse whenever a mistake is made. Respond with love and compassion.

Marriage is a journey.  When I was young and on cloud nine through the honey moon stage of my marriage, I had no clue of this.  I was in love with this woman and I was looking forward to our wedding night ;)  Consequently, I believe my wife was looking more forward to our wedding day.  As our marriage has progressed, I realize that we are both changing.  Not only that, we now have a daughter and she is ever changing.  As we all change, it takes great understanding and care to handle the change.

When my wife and I were first married, I had no dreams or aspirations.  I was content with a $7.50/hour data entry job.  I was negative in the way I talked about myself.  I have changed since then.  I am very driven to be the best that I can be.  I am not satisfied with meager income.  As I am changing, I let my wife know what I think all the time.  I tell her that I am changing and ask for her patience.

I believe our marriage is successful in large part to understanding.  We both have our bad days.  One of us may not be feeling well or have a head ache.  Sometimes life gets hard.  It takes care and understanding from the other spouse to realize this and do all that she/he can to support.  When my wife needs a break for a while, I take our daughter and give my wife space.  She does the same for me.  This requires a choice and commitment from both involved.

Creating Memories Together

I wrote about a trip to the Oregon Coast that our family took a little while ago.  This was a memory that was created as a family.  My wife enjoys putting together the photographs that were taken on the trip.  She puts them together in scrap books and creates a record of our family.  This is very important to her.  It does not matter what I think about creating memories.  If it is important to your spouse, you better take careful note and spend some time on it.

You don’t have to even take a trip to create memories.  Just go on a walk together.  If you are married and reading this, ask your spouse if they would like to go on a walk with you.  Take som initiative and find a baby sitter for your children and go on a date.  Doing these kinds of things will show your spouse that you are interested in growing with them.

Realities

One of the realities of marriage is that both the husband and wife will encounter difficulties.  I’ve had some trouble with a company I helped start.  Our health insurance situation is very sticky right now.  My wife has Multiple Sclerosis, a disease of the nervous system.  We do not have insurance right now and if she is not covered after 62 days, it will be nigh impossible to get her covered.  This is causing some stress.  But we talk about it.  We share the challenge together and as such, it becomes less stressful.

What about situations where you are just tired of being married, what do you do?  I know for a lot of married people that some days you just don’t feel like being married and being a family.  Over time, this may increase.  But this is an illusion for those who are seeking to have a happy marriage.  You must always keep a look out for each other and always put the other first.  If one of you is not doing this, then things are going to go downhill.

Final Thoughts

When first getting married, it must be realized that marriage is not easy.  Just because you meet someone and have a great time does not mean that a successful marriage is the logical next step.  A successful marriage takes time and effort.  It takes a long lasting commitment.  It takes being understanding of mistakes and accepting of change.  I know that with effort and dedication, that a marriage can be successful.  Take time to sit with your spouse and discuss each other.  Be kind, considerate, and serve your spouse.  I know you can have a successful marriage with a little effort and faith.

It is indeed 1:25… now 1:26 AM in the morning.  I writhed in bed for over an hour with no sleep in sight.  I just have so much going on in my mind about drjerm.com and this blog and what I am trying to achieve as a life coach.  I’m realizing more and more that this is what I am supposed to be doing.  I can’t quite explain it, but it’s as if my stomach is trying to burst out of me.  I can feel it within me, this is what I am supposed to be doing.

I am not sure where all of this will take me.  I am truly genuine in wanting to help other people.  I hope I’ve been able to show that with the sheer amount of time invested in this blog and my website at drjerm.com.  I don’t think I would have spent 300 plus hours doing it all if I didn’t have a burning desire for it.  Not only that, I need the life coaching just as much as the next person, so it is helping me a great deal to!

I face questions and obstacles with trying to do what it is I now am feeling I was put on this earth to do.  To be a beacon of light for other people.  To help those who are in need.  I may not be superman, able to fly around and save the day, but I do believe I possess the charisma, compassion, and drive to help people make changes in their lives, both about their individual selves, and their situations.

Challenges

The first challenge obviously is getting enough money from doing life coaching that I don’t have to resort to going to find a job as a developer where most of my time will be taken.  I am lucky to be able to work at home right now.  I work my tail off and hope that can be the way I work.  But I also know that my family comes first.  If I have to, I can go find a job doing website development and programming that will provide insurance for my wonderful wife and support our family.

At the same time, I feel I was born to do life coaching.  I feel there are countless people out there who need to hear my voice and read what I write.  I feel that I have the ability to make people laugh, inspire people, and to in general, help people see that they can get more out of life.  Life does not have to be this constant battle where we are pinned, desperately trying to get by.

The second challenge is capturing people and having them know this website exists.  This is a challenge.  I am learning more as time goes on, but I really would love it if the whole world knew about my website.  I know there would be a lot of critics, ready to refute everything I have to say.  That is fine, a wonderful thing about this world is that we all can choose what we wish to do.

The third challenge is educating myself on how to help people in the right way.  I’ve spent the most of my life career programming websites.  Along the way, I’ve spuradically helped people with their troubles and encouraging them.  The challenge for me is to make sure I have the education and resources available so that when I am coaching someone, I am giving them the best darn coaching they could ever receive.

Opportunities

I’ve thought about ways that I can make a living doing life coaching.  So far, my blog and website are all free to use and they will continue to be so.  I’ve added my DrJerm’s recommended page to this blog and on my website at drjerm.com, I’ve got self help reviews on products I think are useful.  You can look at these and choose to buy whatever you see from Amazon.com.  That is one way I make money - by getting a small portion as an affiliate with Amazon.  I also make money from the advertisement links on my sites.  This is called Google Adsense.  I get a small portion of the click for that ad, from Google.com.  Please do not click the links unless you see something you are actually interested in.

The Amazon products and Google Adsense are nice, but I don’t see them providing the opportunity for me to do this full time for a while.  As such, I’ve got some other ideas that I’d like to throw around.  Some of these my site visitors have given to me.  I would appreciate feedback on them and the potential you might think they have.  They are:

• Individual life coaching sessions, one on one for 45 minutes.  These would be done over the phone.  Not sure the pricing on these sessions, but I would want it to be affordable.
• Seminars - this would be kind of like a group gathering where you have dinner with a large group of people at tables and a stage where I and possibly others would speak.  Tickets would be purchased for the event.  This idea actually intrigues me a lot.
• Creating books, guides, and interactive tools.  I like the idea of creating things that people can choose to purchase.  But they would have to be pretty spectacular.  I don’t like the idea of selling an ebook that took just a night to create and talking about it like it’s the new Bible.  I’ve seen people do that - I don’t like it.  I think spending a good while on a few of these things might provide an opportunity to sell something fairly cheap that had enormous value.
• Create a course that people can complete.  Outline various steps and things that need to be done to have a life that can be fulfilling and happy.  Find some way to have this course taught.  Possibly do a 10 day course or something at a resort.  At the end of 10 days, it’s like a boot camp being finished, except you feel great afterwards.
• Speaking - I love to speak publicly.  This was not always so.  I used to be terrified of it!  Now I love it because I know I am reaching out to many people when I do it.  For this, I will just have to figure out how to get lots of people at a certain place where they can all hear my voice.
• Custom Items - I could make the ‘Trident of Transcendence’ from my drjerm website or any number of things.  I like the idea of doing this so that someone can place this item on their mantle and look at it.
• Donations - There is a donate link at the top of my blog.  I never ask for donations.  However, if you feel so inclined because something I did really helped you, feel free to donate.  Every little bit helps!

These are just some of the ideas I have.  Obviously, I need my website to get more traffic (traffic meaning people sitting at their computers using it :)).  I believe this will continue to happen over time.  I will continue to add useful information and resources and continue to talk to people about it.  I will make a business card and talk with pride about my site to everyone I come in contact with.  I am not afraid to talk about it, that’s for sure!

It’s 1:53 AM now.  I think I am finally tired, which is a good thing.  I look forward to all the challenges I need to overcome to get to where I need to be.  Meeting ‘The Rock’, Dwayne Johnson is one of those challenges that I am tackling.  I also want to make 100 basketball free throws in a row.  I shot at Gold’s Gym the other day and I made 82 in a row!  I am getting closer.  I ended up shooting 99/100.  These kinds of things are mini goals to keep me sharp and focused.  Plus I love basketball.  Anyhow, I am going to sign off now, goodnight!

I just finished reading ‘The Rock Says’ after having just bought it a couple days ago and it was a very informative book.  You can read my The Rock Says Review if you’d like.  Beyond that, I would like to tackle the areas of meeting The Rock which include the following:

• Thousands upon thousands of people likely want to meet The Rock, including large organizations with a lot of money.
• The Rock likely does not have a lot of time to meet everyone who wants to talk to him.
• The Rock has likely been pestered by people trying to meet him, turning him off to it in a way.
• It is a monumental effort for someone working in their basement (me) to meet The Rock.

The Challenge of Meeting The Rock

I’ve realized that I won’t be able to just post some blog entries, and all of a sudden The Rock will come knocking on my door.  I have to do some key things.  One of these is giving The Rock a good - no a great reason to sit down and talk to me.  I must show that I am not just some crazy fan that wants to get an autograph.  If that’s all I wanted, I am sure I could attend some events where he was there and hope to get it that way.  However, I do believe I will need to make an effort to attend at some of his public appearances.

My goal in meeting The Rock is to show that if you have an idea and you spend time working hard on it, and you are smart about it, that you will eventually make it happen.  This is no small task that I am trying to make happen.  I don’t even know all the details.  There are lots of questions and unknowns.  I am not afraid of failing.  I know I have the smarts and passion to make this happen.  It may take some time :)

A Message For Those of You Struggling

For those of you in your life who feel stuck, no matter your age, no matter your career, no matter the troubles you’ve had in the past.  I am talking to you right now.  Those of you who feel sorry for yourself or have fallen on hard times.  I am one man, in my basement, typing this article for you.  I work from home and as of right now, barely making enough money to cover our house payment and necessary expenses.  I am working hard so that I can work from home full time and also make time to do some even more incredible things.

For those of you where life has become a negative and dragged out experience, do not despair please.  You can start making a change today.  All it takes is a choice.  Can you talk?  Can you lift your head up?  Can you get on a computer?  If you can make these simple choices, you can start making other choices to start examining yourself and start realizing you are a divine being with infinite potential.  Stop spending time pitying yourself.  Start going to work on what you are passionate about.

I know all too well about pitying myself.  I did it for a number of years.  My self image was horrible.  Now I see myself in a different light.  I love trying exciting and ground breaking new things.  I am not afraid to fail at them.  I learn with each day that I am doing my website and blog at drjerm.com.  It is sooooo much a better alternative than doing nothing and drowning in self pity.

My Next Steps to Meet The Rock

My next steps to meet The Rock are going to consist of the following:

• Find websites that are about The Rock and gather a list of them.
• Find other websites or organizations that might help get me some contact information for The Rock (probably unlikely) or representatives of The Rock (more likely) - The Rock is a mega millionaire.  He likely pays people to handle requests and everything else under the sun.
• Start seeking out public appearances by The Rock and see if I can attend some of them.

Finding a method of contact will be key.  I am not ready to contact The Rock yet of course - I still have much to do on my website and blog to show that I am dedicated and have put in an effort WELL beyond the average fan to do that.  I look forward to this challenge.

There is a creature of legend that is portrayed as a monster with either a curse or disease.  This creature is not necessarily evil, but the creature is very violent.  The result of this creature is always a human who turns into it.  I am talking about werewolves.  Once a human transforms into a werewolf, all sense of reality becomes distorted and a killing machine with no remorse is created.  A silver bullet is usually used to kill a werewolf when it is too much of a danger, thus ending the terror it is causing.  You can read more about werewolves here.

I do not wish to give my readers nightmares, however, the werewolf is very applicable for what I am about to tell you.  And the majority of people that are reading this are likely people who work at a day job.  Some of you may not be in that situation.  This information is still useful for you as you can apply it to your every day lives, in addition to your day job. The werewolf is what you turn into when your job consumes you with negativity. I will show you how to put an end to that with some silver bullets.

First off, ask yourself the following questions:

• Are you happy where you are working?
• Are the people you work with ones with integrity, who uplift, and are smart?
• Are your managers respectable people who are understanding?
• Are the owners of your company smart and good leaders who work hard to make the compay do well?
• Have you been at your job for over 10 years with no real increase in pay, position, or value?
• Do you feel fulfilled when you come home each day from work?
• Are you constantly improving yourself and your skills?
• Are you happy working at a day job?

The Silver Bullets

I’ve talked in several other articles about the day job blues, what to do when you want to leave a company after you’ve been there for a while, but I want to go into great detail about what you can do and plan to do to get yourself into a position where work is no longer a burden.  With that, here are the silver bullets, with certain scenarios, and how to use the silver bullet to destroy it.

Current Day Job Situations

The first thing I want to talk about is current situations people are faced with in their jobs and those people’s attitudes.  It is very necessary to describe situations because knowing these situations gives more meaning and understanding to what I am talking about.  Most of you reading this want to know what the situations are so you can relate to other people and this is very important.

When I was in college, I did data entry for a library company.  I would sit at the computer and enter information that was on a second monitor, which contained an image of a library card.  This information had to be entered into a dusty, cob-webbed system that ran on an ancient computer.  It was tedious work and I got paid $7.50 an hour for it.  But it was in 1999, and it helped me get through college.  The job was horrendous for me - I love to be creative and this was anything but.

The silver bullet in this case is that some situations require just grinding through the job because eventually there is a light at the end of a tunnel.  This is true if you are going to college and are planning on upgrading your job, but you need something to make ends meet.  To those of you in this situation, just try and get the most out of your job that you can, be positive and optimistic, know that you are taking the right steps, and know that the job won’t last forever.

Dead End Jobs

Some of you may be at a job where you have just grinded out the same work year after year with no results.  Look at my above questions and you will know if this applies to you.  If so, are you really content with this happening?  I see some people that even though they say they hate their job, but because the job pays reasonably enough and gets them by each month, no effort is made to ugprade.  After all, they’ve worked their a while and who else is going to pay them as much as they’ve been raised to where they are at.

This is a dangerous way of thinking and will make you stay stagnant and in 5 years, 10 years, you will be exactly where you are today.  Again, if you are fine with that, then what I’m saying doesn’t apply to you.  But deep down, I hope those of you reading are not fine with that.  Can you really say that you’ve lived a happy, full, and abundant life while working at a job you don’t like for 20 or so years?

The silver bullet in this case is to take charge and be proactive.  This means getting yourself in order.  I created drjerm.com to help people change their mentality and have a respectful and confident view of themself.  Once you spend significant time working on yourself, I guarantee that you will not want to stay at the drudgery of a day job you don’t like.  You will be interested in doing something you are passionate about, or at least going to a job that makes you feel fulfilled.  So use drjerm.com to better yourself.  Read all the information, apply it.  Then increase your education through online research and schooling (if funds allow).  Try some projects on your own.  Don’t be afraid to fail.

The People Your Work With

Who are your friends?  Look at my list of questions above about the people you work with.  Are you around people of upstanding character?  Are they honest?  Do they build you up and treat you respectfully?  Do they take time and effort to understand your needs?  At the work place, being around people opposite of these things is bad.  Bad meaning that it is like being sucked into a black hole with teeth where you are getting eaten alive by dark fire ants that seek to consume your whole body.  When you start to realize that people who do not share your same uplifting values are a danger to you, then the silver bullet is ready for you.

The silver bullet is that once you have changed yourself, you will seek out people of character, both in the work place and in your friendship circle (those people you hang out with or spend some time with).  Being with people like this provides energy, enthusiasm, and the ability to handle trials and obstacles.  These people are not judgmental and they do not have their own agendas.  When you increase your skills and education, in addition to improving yourself, you will be able to move to a job that is much more condusive to positive growth and feeling fulfilled.

Feeling Fulfilled With Work

Lastly, look at the level of fulfillment that you get at your job.  Do you feel like you contribute something worthwhile?  Do you feel like you make a difference?  If you just feel like a drone who is doing robotic work that has no real lasting impact, this should be a warning sign.  The werewolf is taking form and the silver bullet should be at the ready to slay it.

The silver bullet is this: Look deep within yourself.  Find out what you are passionate about and are good at.  I talk about this on drjerm.com.  It’s discovering your destiny and creating your legacy.  This means striding towards what you feel you are meant to do.  I am reading about ‘The Rock’, Dwayne Johnson, right now.  He felt deep inside that wrestling was what he was supposed to do.  But it was not before he experienced MUCH hardship and tribulation.  In the end, he made the leap of faith, worked extremely hard, and became the success that he is today.

I can promise that if you spend effort striving to do what you are passionate about and good at, the you will eventually find success with it.  There will likely be much trial and tribulation before you find success.  But I’ve seen in people that when they follow their heart and their mind together for their work, that success is the eventual end product.

Final Thoughts

I know that no matter what you do for work, there are days that are tough, even if you are doing what you love.  We live in a mortal world.  Challenges happen, and we aren’t always up to the task each day.  But I do know that with a change of mind set, hard work, and dedication, that our job situations will turn into favorable circumstances that will help us feel fulfilled.

In the end, you will put an end to this monstrous creature, this werewolf. The ravages that the werewolf causes will be a forgotten memory, and your career can be one of happiness and success. This werewolf is a frightening image. It should give you cause to think. I hope that you have this same cause to think when it comes to living a happy, full, and abundant life. And one of the ways to do that is by having a fulfilling career. I know you can do it!

I just wanted to take a quick moment to point out my new recommended by DrJerm page on my blog. You can see it at the top in my main links, or you can just go to it by clicking DrJerm’s Recommendations. I am compiling a long list of things that I have found useful in my life and that I believe will help many of you out as well, so check back often for books, movies, and other useful items!