This is an article about why marriages fail and how to keep a marriage healthy.  To start, I give my disclaimer that I am not the ultimate sure fire source for information on this subject.  I give a lot of things from my point of view and from what I’ve seen.  There are cases where a marriage fails because it is the right thing to do or for reasons I cannot explain.  However, I do believe the information I share is for the majority of cases for a marriage failing and what can be done to have a healthy marriage.  Marriage is something that requires constant effort and attention, and I see this every day, even in my marriage.

 

You can probably find a lot of information about how to keep the fire going in a marriage and here are all the things that can go wrong in a marriage.  You will see situations of marriage given, advice from experts, and everything under the sun trying to explain failing marriages.  I would like to take a different approach.  I would like to talk about the hidden trurths of failing marriages and relationships and what are the real reasons for the marriage failing.

 

Getting Married For No Other Purpose Than Physical Attraction and Enjoyment

 

There is nothing wrong with being physically attracted to someone and having a good feeling when you spend time with them.  Problems occur when the decision to get married is made just because you feel good together.  This will likely cause a failed marriage.  This is even more severe when the relationship has only been going on for a short time (a few months or less).  The problem with this is that marriage is a LIFE together.  It is not just hanging out having a good time with minimal responsibility.  A true marriage requires the joining of efforts from 2 people to succeed in life together.

 

The problems that arise from marriage without a purpose other than physical attraction and enjoyment is that as time goes on and things need to be addressed like bills, living arrangements, annoying habits, expectations, pets, children, planning for the future, financial planning, dealing with sickness and hardship, dealing with extended family members, dealing with the newness of marriage wearing off over time, and the list goes on.  There is a plethora of things to be dealt with in a marriage and the list only gets bigger over time.

 

For the wife in the marriage, you are interested in security and quality time with your husband and dealing with kids and keeping the house clean, and the husband ignores you because he’s too busy working or watching the game on tv, and all of a sudden things are much different than when you were dating and you had his undivided attention.  All of a sudden you aren’t getting the things you want and this can lead to some bad decisions which I will talk about later.

 

For the husband, you are interested in your wife’s physical appearance and the pursuing of the things you want to do, likely related to sports, outdoors, or business ventures.  You want independence and it is a hard thing for you to deal with poopy diapers of your children, cleaning up in the kitchen, or taking over doing the laundry here and there.  This wasn’t your idea of what marriage is and as such, you may make some bad decisions as you seek to relieve yourself of these duties.

 

What Causes a Spouse to Run Off With Another Guy/Gal

 

This is an area in marriages failing that isn’t discussed enough.  For both a husband and a wife, if the feeling is that the other spouse is not giving you enough attention or that things are just getting dull and you are getting by only, then this will start small but fester over time.  Over a long period of time, eventually the spouse feeling neglected or ignored will have a tough time dealing with it.  Let’s face it, we all need attention, love, and care.

 

What are some ways a spouse is neglected?  Maybe your wife tries to talk to you constantly about important things to her like the garden outside, your baby daughters teeth coming in, buying a car seat, plans for groceries, ways to spice up your marriage, movies she would like to see and more.  If you’re not interested in these kinds of things and just ignore her, you are making a very unwise decision if you wish your marriage to not fail.

 

Maybe your husband really likes sports and tries to talk to you, the wife, but you really hate sports and could care less.  You just brush him off every time.  He tries to talk computers with you, but you loathe the idea of talking about technology.  Maybe he likes to run, swim, eat apples, or enjoys certain activities.  If you do not show an interest in this, this is going to affect his happiness in the marriage.

 

What happens is that the neglected spouse can then become seeking to get the approval and attention of someone who is interested in them.  This may start harmlessly from just talking to someone casually, but the reality is, someone showing even a little interest will start a fire in the neglected spouse that will consume them.  I mean hey, someone is showing me attention, likes me.  I feel good, this hasn’t happened to me in a long time, I like this!

 

The danger with this is a false reality of getting into a relationship based on physical attraction and enjoyment with another person.  For the most part, that’s all a situation like this is.  A marriage has become dry and dull and a spouse has found someone that is breathing new life into them.  It’s just like dating someone for the first time where you like the person – things are good, but for all the wrong reasons.  At first things are great, but over time, all the responsiblities of life have to be dealt with and that relationship will shatter!  The relationship is based on deceit, lies, and only ‘feeling good’.  What a sandy and shaky foundation for a relationship, not to mention it is behind your spouse’s back!

 

There are other problems in a marriage, such as being too controlling, finances, abuse, and more.  But I honestly believe that the biggest problem faced in marriages today is the drying up and dullness of a marriage.  One spouse is no longer attracted to the other because the other one put on some weight or whatever reason.  And things are dull so one spouse looks elsewhere to have their needs fulfilled.  If this one area was addressed properly for all before going into a marriage and during a marraige, I know there would be FAR less divorces in our world.

 

Frustrations From a Husbands Point of View

 

From my view point, and probably a good many of other husbands, there are just some things about us that make us the way we are.  For us, sex is a physical thing.  We enjoy our wife looking good.  We like it when our wife shows interest in us and makes the first move.  We like a wife who is confident and takes charge.  A wife who makes things happen and is motivated is a big plus for us.  A wife who is supportive of our work endeavors and is at least somewhat interested in sports helps.  These, and many more things, are just realities.

 

Now this is not to say that the wives have to be all these things and more.  But for a marriage to have lasting interest for a husband, a good many of these things have to at least be recognized and comprimised on by the wife.  At least recognize and try to do some of these things.  For you wives, you will be amazed at your husbands attention if you decide to get in shape, show some confidence, and take charge of things.

 

A good many of husband frustrations in marriage deal with their needs in these areas not being met.  A big one is our wife keeping her body looking good and her showing confidence.  This does NOT mean that as a husband you nag your wife about doing these things.  Just show love, appreciation, and COMMUNICATE to your wife the things you are interested in.  Talk to her when she is not distracted and be sincere with her.  Be open, honest, and understanding.  Be willing to comprimise.

 

Frustrations From a Wifes Point of View

 

As a husband, you will frustrate your marriage if you do not spend quality time with your wife.  Of course this is easy to do when you are dating and first married.  Everything is bliss, it usually is.  But over time, the course of life sets in and a partnership begins that requires spending time working on.  Your marriage will be strengthened just by spending quality time with your wife.  This means having dinner together, going on walks, going to the movies with her, helping her with whatever she is doing and communicating with her.

 

As a husband, you too should take time to keep yourself in shape, look good, and be confident.  Show your wife that you are special and can make things happen.  Keep advancing your career so you can provide for you and your family, but still spend quality time with your wife and family.  Help out with the kids, chores, laundry, dishes, and more.  Your marriage will flourish if you spend time on these important aspects.

 

A good many of wife frustrations in marriage come from feeling like the husband is not helping out around the house, paying attention to the needs of her, ignoring her advances, and just flat out being more interested in his own personal things, rather than the interests of her or the family.

 

Realities In Marriage That Must Be Realized and Have Understanding

 

Some simple realities must be realized and comprimized on.  I’ve compiled a simple list describing the key ones for marriage.

 

• Husbands will be tempted to look at pornography (A good husband will admit this and a good wife will be understanding.  As long as both parties recognize it and the effort is made to stay away from it, both parties should be satisfied.  If your husband slips, do not scold him.  Be understanding, support him, and do the things described above to get his attention.)
• Husbands will turn their head when there is a ‘hot gal’ (This is a guy thing.  Guys are taken to women that look good.  As long as a husband is sensible and doesn’t act on this impulse, a wife should be understanding.)
• Wives like to shop and buy things – usually for the family (As a husband, do not stress or roll your eyes when your wife shops.  She is probably doing it because she feels she is filling a need for your family – and she probably is!  Show some support for once.)
• Wives want their husband to help around the house (This is a tough one.  When I come home from work I am tired.  But I also know I must be responsible and help out.  It isn’t easy, but every little bit helps.  Your wife will love you for helping out.)
• Husbands want to spend time on their hobbies (sports, computers, whatever it may be) (We all have hobbies and things we like to do, both husband and wife.  Each spouse must be supportive and the spouse with the hobby must understand moderation in all things.)
• Husbands want an attractive and confident wife (The chance of a husband looking elsewhere for women will be a lot less with an attractive and confident wife.  As a wife, do what it takes to look good and take charge.)
• Wives want a husband who doesn’t scratch them with scruff when kissing (This is one I struggle with.  I have to shave every day to not have scruff.  But the benefits of doing so will likely mean a more physically attentive wife.)
• Wives want a husband that takes care of the family financially (Husbands, don’t be dead beats.  Keep a job, look for extra ways to make money.  Continue your education if necessary and provide for your families.  If you are not the provider, support your wife as she provides for your family.)

 

This is a hard look at why marriages fail and what can be done to keep marriages healthy.  It is from my point of view and I know there are special cases or variations that apply to marriages out there.  But take the general idea of what I am saying and apply it to your marriage.  Seek to understand first before seeking to be understood and your marriages will flourish.

 

 

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