Ever been puzzled by a choice someone made or how to tell if someone likes you or is genuinely interested in you? You are in luck. I have some information on this topic that I believe will prove useful. You will be able to see the true intentions of other people and whether or not they have your best interests at heart by reading on!
Why Do People Do Things?
One of the first things I would examine as you encounter and talk to people each day is why other people do things. Your co-worker sitting next to you is complaining. Why exactly are they doing this? Your spouse asks you to please take out the trash. Why are they asking this? Your boss at work says he wants you to be on the same page as him. Why would your boss ask this?
There are many, many situations each day that we all experience and go through. If you carefully examine what is going on, you will be able to see if the people you are around are genuinely interested in you. I’ve compiled a basic list of why people do things. This list is at the heart of what you should be looking at when people do anything.
- For personal financial gain
- For individual power/influence
- Out of love or respect
- Out of anger, jealousy, frustration, fear, or some other negative emotion
- For the betterment of a family, business, or organization/group
- To save their own skin from a bad situation
- To have fun and be spontaneous
- To brainstorm and bounce ideas around
- To further a hidden agenda
- To further a dream/passion
- A random thought or action
This list is about as extensive as I could think of. I am open to suggestions of more reasons why people do things. But I do believe this list will cover most, if not all, of what I want to talk about. Bottom line, in most cases, there is a real, non-random reason for the actions of other people.
High Level Reasons for Decision Making
There are three main ‘roots’ that create actions/choices from other people. These are:
- Sustainability/Increase
- Love/Respect
- Negativity
Sustainability/Increase
Living, surviving, and building a better life are at the heart of this root of action. Most people want to live and survive. Others want to increase and have a better life. Still, there are those who are very ambitious and seek to gain a huge increase, above and beyond what is required for a better life, the purpose for which can be for their own agenda or a real desire to do good.
Love/Respect
True friendship, kindness, love, and admiration are the source of this root. Where someone really respects or admires someone, they are more likely to do something for that person that is inconvenient for the person taking the action. In the case of a marriage where love is at the root, spouse’s are willing to make sacrifices to better the marriage. Choices made for these reasons are the most powerful that can be made. If the person is making a sacrifice or comprimise on your behalf, it’s more likely they have your best interest at heart.
Negativity
Brute force, fear, intimidation, and other negatives are the root of negativity. Lies, deceit, creating mistrust are some intentions behind the negative root. Threatening through physical harm, or emotional distress are signs that a negative choice is being made. These are the choices of others you really want to watch for. Is the person acting in desperation or hastiness? Are they acting randomly and not thinking, but making swift demands? Are they making demands without much thought for others? Be very wary of these people.
The level of force behind an action
Lastly, there is a level of ‘force’ behind an action/decision someone makes. This force is independent of whether the action is for selfish or unselfish reasons or whether the action can be classified as ‘good’ or bad’. I’ve defined the levels of force below:
- Weak
- Mediocore
- Average
- Strong
- Real Intent
Weak
A weak force is a choice made and forgotten minutes later. This is the response to your spouse of ‘yes dear’ when you are clearly thinking about something else and responding to something they are saying you are not interested in. It is someone out of the blue asking you to do a favor without any fore thought. Weak force has no preparation or planning and has no real merit or reason for doing. Evidence is also very hard to come by with weak force.
Mediocore
There is a smidge of planning and thought behind mediocore force. Maybe someone has a brilliant idea, but they don’t know how to make it happen, so they ask you whom they know, being capable of accomplishing it, to create it for them. In the mean time, there has been no thought about your or them and the future impact of what doing this might be. There is also little evidence to support an action/decision with mediocore force.
Average
An average force actually has a little planning, structure, and evidence to it. Someone may be asking you to help them with a project, and they can show a few figures of how there will be success. They may even say that you are in on the project and will gain a percentage of the profit. Average decisions show a little forethought and some consideration for others involved.
Strong
A strong force action/decision requires a good portion of time and energy from an individual. Does the person know what they are talking about? Can they provide evidence behind what they are saying? Do they show any passion or desire for achieving what they are doing? Chances are, much planning and effort has gone into a decision with a strong force behind it. Generally, these are actions/decisions made by people who are experts in a chosen field, or where circumstances arise that call for immediate action (flooding, job loss, avoiding harm, etc…)
Real Intent
A real intent decision requires most of the time, energy, and resources of an individual. You can tell that someone is acting with real intent if they are pouring out all they have to the decision. A decision like this also knows that the help of other people is a necessity and that choice does all it can to incentivise the aid of other people. You will find actions like this extremely rare. But when they do occur, you will know it. And this force is independent of good/evil. There are some dedicated people out there who act with real intent with the purpose of doing harm.
Most decisions/actions taken throughout each day by people fall between levels one to three. Cases of strong or real intent actions are rare occurances. Most people are not giving their full attention to their decisions. This is extremely important to note and you can tell at what level someone is giving their attention to a decision or action by just examining the detail to which they are able to explain what they are doing.
The reason knowing the level of force behind actions and decisions is very important for knowing if someone is genuinely interested in you. If a person is using a strong level or real intent level of force, you know that their interest either in themself is very high and genuine, or they actually have a very genuine interest in you. These two level of forces should be taken very seriously when it is seen that someone is acting with them.
Put It All Together and Start Seeing if People are Genuinely Interested in You
We now have three very important tools for understanding the decisions of others and if others are truly interested in you. There is the list of reasons people do things. Next are the roots of decision making. Finally, there is the force behind any action/decision. Keeping these three things in mind constantly will give you an edge in understanding other people.
When you interact with people, run them through these three important tools. First, identify from the list of reasons people are doing something. Then identify the root of the choice. Lastly, determine the force for which the decision or action is happening. The root of the choice is the most important to get down. Simply look at what you are being offered and what evidence is behind it. Maybe someone is only contacting you when they need something rather than seeing how things are going. This is a sign that person is only interested in the skills you have, but not genuinely interested in you.
Respond back to the actions of others where you can. Ask them why they are making that choice and ask why they are talking to you about it. Ask them to present evidence or experience they have that shows the force of the decision. By examining and figuring out fully where the other person is ‘coming from’, you can make an informed decision about whether they have your best interests at heart.
Wolves in Sheeps Clothing
I wanted to end by saying there are always situations that fall outside the normal realm of things. In some cases, someone may appear kind, considerate, and bending over backwards to help you out. However, their true intent may be to use you and gain power over you in a way you cannot see. My advice for avoiding this is to do your research on people. Talk to others that know the person. Be VERY CAUTIOUS of immediately accepting someone you’ve first met even if they seem nice.
The point is that there are those out there who put on a pretend face to get the things they want. These people seem nice and considerate at first, but beneath all that is a disgusting evil that seeks to twist and distort what is good in this world. All I can say is educate yourself, be slow to accept people in your life, make informed decisions, and trust your instincts. I know with preparation, faith, and effort, that you can better tell people’s reasons for decision making and if they are genuinely interested in you.