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The Great Relationship I have With My Wife
No comments · Posted by drjerm in Marriage/Family
When I was young, I played basketball for our high school in Michigan. Our coach decided that he would take us to an area called ‘Pretty Lake’. Here, as a team, we would learn to come together. We would go through a series of tasks that would require us to have the assistance of other people on the team. There was a giant wall we all needed to climb. As such, we would get on each others shoulders, lift each other up, and eventually, we all got over.
In an area with tall trees, several ropes and wooden boards were high above the ground. By high above the ground, I mean 20 feet or so. The whole team went up, with harnesses on, and had to go through a series of steps to navigate an obstacle course way above the ground. One such obstacle was two ropes tied to two trees in which you had to cross by holding on to someone in front of you so that each of you had your weight on your rope and you moved sideways until you crossed, each of you on your own rope. In this case, working together was required. It was a fairly frightening experience for me as heights are not something that I enjoy.
I look back on this trip with fond memories and saw the immensity of working together that was required. I look at marriages today and the same effort, if not more, working together is required if marriages are to last.
My wife and I have been married for 7 1/2 years now and I would consider us to have a very good marriage. We have difficult times for sure, but overall, we have a marriage that I am very proud of. Our marriage takes sacrifice and comprimise, understanding, creating memories together, and understanding realities. I would go as far to say that marriage is not easy and takes hard work to keep the relationship great.
Sacrifice and Comprimise
I am a selfish person by nature. I love to do projects on my own and not have people get in the way. I have been able to overcome this as I get older and wise up. I am learning that a strong marriage requires me to make sacrifices. This means taking care of our young daughter Ellie and giving my wife a break. It means doing dishes and mowing the grass. It means making sure we are taken care of financially.
If you do not want to make sacrifices or are only thinking of yourself, your marriage is going to be in trouble. Or if you are not yet married, take a hard look at yourself. Ask yourself if you are willing to spend time serving and helping someone else. When you have kids, this becomes amplified, and your sacrifice will be required even more. Living the life of a bachelor is far different than working in a committed marriage.
Understanding
Over the course of my marriage, I have made many mistakes. I continue to make mistakes. Both people in a marriage will make mistakes of different kinds. Realize that we are all human. Mistakes happen. Don’t snap at your spouse whenever a mistake is made. Respond with love and compassion.
Marriage is a journey. When I was young and on cloud nine through the honey moon stage of my marriage, I had no clue of this. I was in love with this woman and I was looking forward to our wedding night ;) Consequently, I believe my wife was looking more forward to our wedding day. As our marriage has progressed, I realize that we are both changing. Not only that, we now have a daughter and she is ever changing. As we all change, it takes great understanding and care to handle the change.
When my wife and I were first married, I had no dreams or aspirations. I was content with a $7.50/hour data entry job. I was negative in the way I talked about myself. I have changed since then. I am very driven to be the best that I can be. I am not satisfied with meager income. As I am changing, I let my wife know what I think all the time. I tell her that I am changing and ask for her patience.
I believe our marriage is successful in large part to understanding. We both have our bad days. One of us may not be feeling well or have a head ache. Sometimes life gets hard. It takes care and understanding from the other spouse to realize this and do all that she/he can to support. When my wife needs a break for a while, I take our daughter and give my wife space. She does the same for me. This requires a choice and commitment from both involved.
Creating Memories Together
I wrote about a trip to the Oregon Coast that our family took a little while ago. This was a memory that was created as a family. My wife enjoys putting together the photographs that were taken on the trip. She puts them together in scrap books and creates a record of our family. This is very important to her. It does not matter what I think about creating memories. If it is important to your spouse, you better take careful note and spend some time on it.
You don’t have to even take a trip to create memories. Just go on a walk together. If you are married and reading this, ask your spouse if they would like to go on a walk with you. Take som initiative and find a baby sitter for your children and go on a date. Doing these kinds of things will show your spouse that you are interested in growing with them.
Realities
One of the realities of marriage is that both the husband and wife will encounter difficulties. I’ve had some trouble with a company I helped start. Our health insurance situation is very sticky right now. My wife has Multiple Sclerosis, a disease of the nervous system. We do not have insurance right now and if she is not covered after 62 days, it will be nigh impossible to get her covered. This is causing some stress. But we talk about it. We share the challenge together and as such, it becomes less stressful.
What about situations where you are just tired of being married, what do you do? I know for a lot of married people that some days you just don’t feel like being married and being a family. Over time, this may increase. But this is an illusion for those who are seeking to have a happy marriage. You must always keep a look out for each other and always put the other first. If one of you is not doing this, then things are going to go downhill.
Final Thoughts
When first getting married, it must be realized that marriage is not easy. Just because you meet someone and have a great time does not mean that a successful marriage is the logical next step. A successful marriage takes time and effort. It takes a long lasting commitment. It takes being understanding of mistakes and accepting of change. I know that with effort and dedication, that a marriage can be successful. Take time to sit with your spouse and discuss each other. Be kind, considerate, and serve your spouse. I know you can have a successful marriage with a little effort and faith.
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