CAT | Humerous
Here’s a tip for all of you reading. Don’t get a tummy bug. This simple tip will save you many hours of newfound moaning and groaning. Of course I don’t have the magic formula for never getting the tummy bug, but I do want to share the amazing transformation that may take place when you get the tummy bug.
It truly is amazing. The moment a tummy bug is realized in me, it’s as if all resources, every ounce of energy is immediately diverted to this icky intruder. Whatever my problems were before, they are over. The tummy bug is the only problem that matters now.
Your Past Worries are Gone
Whatever worries you have in your life, whether it be money, job security, insecurity with yourself, or whatever it may be, the amazing tummy bug will crush those worries like a giant stepping on a bush. They will be gone. You will forget that a girl turned you down for a date or that you got fired or that you don’t have much money. Instead, the tummy bug will remove all problems and leave you with just one problem. And that is the churning, all-consuming pain and anguish that is the tummy bug. But hey, at least your other problems are gone!
Newfound Focus
It is amazing the focus that having the tummy bug generates. It is truly of epic proportions. Having trouble concentrating on one thing? No problem, go get the tummy bug and you will gain more focus than Bobby Fischer could have ever had playing chess. Granted that focus will be solely on managing the pain in your stomach, potentially taking medicine, and fighting your newfound pain, but at least you will have focus!
Fear is Gone
Were you afraid of something happening, or talking to someone in the past? With the tummy bug, this no longer matters. The tummy bug cures fear! King Tut could come back from the dead, waltz into your room and threaten your soul. And this won’t phase you, it will be as a gnat barely brushing against you. After all, the twisting and writhing you are experiencing from your tummy bug has your attention for the moment.
Newfound Determination
Motivation may be hard for some. But get the tummy bug. You will find motivation you never thought you had with the tummy bug. Your will garner such an intense motivation to get better that you will be able to write the book on motivation and doing everything possible to achieve something. This can range from loud moans and groans, to desperate prayers of tummy soothing, to researching until you are blue in the face about how to treat a tummy bug. You may even consume as much Pepto Bismol as you can to help your stomach.
Respect Received
In the end, you will respect the tummy bug after recently having it. You will protect yourself from it, do all you can to not get it. It is yucky. It will turn your life upside down for a couple days. You will look behind you more when you are alone, ever watching for the tummy bug. And when years have passed and the tummy bug is becoming a distant memory, it will begin to try and creep back into your life, and perhaps the tummy bug cycle will begin again! Perhaps the tummy bug is a way to keep us all in check. Either that, or it’s just something to really annoy the heck out of us.
No tags
So I’ve been a bit serious lately with one of the bigger challenges in life that I have faced and that is getting betrayed by a business partner. More will certainly come on that later, but for now, let’s look at something a little different. Are you ready? I thought so, let’s read on!
The 10 Year High School Reunion
Yesterday I had the opportunity to attend my wife’s 10 year high school reunion. This was held at one of the local universities in a nice big room. There was also some kind of singles dance down the hall a bit where cologne was running rampant, but more on that later.
My wife has spent the last six months going full steam ahead planning this 10 year high school reunion with a couple of her friends. It’s been her second job. My second job has then become doing anything to help her work on the reunion, such as keeping our daughter Ellie from chewing on things important to the reunion.
So we arrived early to get stuff setup for the reunion and apparently they were planning on having a stage for the reunion but instead there was just an open area against a wall. Uh oh, things going wrong with something, now that’s absurd!
But that’s okay because there was a table, podium, and microphone there. And a place to hook up a laptop to show a slide show presentation so all was good… or was it?
We had food catered to us in a room with about 25 tables each with 10 chairs or so to them. All of the waiters were Spanish. So when I said to one of them, ‘these rolls are tasty, can we get some refills?’ I got a um, shrugged shoulders, blank stare to which I responded, ‘don’t worry about it’. No extra rolls for me to eat, I’m a big boy, I can handle it.
And then it came time to show a slide show and, whoops, there is sound but no display. Luckily, one of the husbands of an alumni, or maybe it was an alumni with a wife, was able to tinker around and working his mojo got the display to work. Woo hoo, the slide show is full steam ahead.
So a few wrenches were thrown into the reunion, but that’s ok. It worked out great, everyone loved it, and the thanks my wife and the reunion committee got was great. It goes to show that effort, dedication, and proper planning lead to wonderful things. The 10 year high school reunion was a big success!
After the Reunion
Then there’s the after reunion stuff… Which means everyone talking to each other and catching up. And for the spouses it means finding something to keep yourself occupied. I had a book that I am reading about real estate. It’s actually a pretty interesting book so far. When I am done, I will post a review on the drjerm website, but until then, you can check it out here.
And when my neck was hurting from reading, I found myself counting the bark chips in the plant holders, counting the tiles on the walls and floor, and pacing around like an English soldier or wandering drunk, except I wasn’t drunk. Counting the tiles was fun, it reminded me of ‘The Count of Monte Cristo’ movie released a few years ago where in prison, Edmond Dantes tells the priest he’s counted 12,000 (or some high number) odd stones and the priest asks him if he’s named them yet to which Edmond balls like a baby.
But eventually people dispersed and we cleaned up and got ready to leave. All in all, a successful event.
The Dance
On the way out of the university it was very evident that a singles dance was going on. All I did was walk in the halls as many guys walked by, their hair greasier than a basket of fries, their clothes ironed so much that they look like their poor iron is probably crying from overuse, and the cologne!
Wow, I’ve smelled cologne before, but this was more than cologne, it was as if the guys at this dance found a fountain of cologne, and each bathed in it for 40 days in preparation for this big event, and then they washed their clothes in the cologne fountain, and then, after getting dressed, sprayed bottles of cologne on themselves. I thought I was going to pass out into a coma. Luckily I made it home, safe and sound.
EDIT –> I am sorry for the Google Ads that are being displayed for this article. I am going to have to tweak this article to get some better, less crude ads to display.
No tags
