I’ve provided some information from other sources labeled as ‘Guest Posts’ and while they do provide information, I realize they do not have the same flare or quality as when I write.  As such, I’ve thought about leadership extensively and would like to expound on it.  Here is a picture of Colonel Robert Gould Shaw.  Shaw is famous for his leading of the 54th Massachusetts, a regiment of African-American soldiers who fought in the Civil War for the Union.

 

The 1989 the movie, ‘Glory’, is an enlightening and inspiring portrayel of Colonel Shaw and his dealings with his men.  Colonel Shaw was the leader of this regiment.  He was in charge.  Watch the movie Glory and see if you can see how Colonel Shaw was a leader.  He did what was right, even if it was unpopular, he was firm, kind when he needed to be, understanding of his weaknesses, and eventually, won the respect of all that were part of the regiment.  Colonel Shaw is a wonderful example of a good leader.  There are many others in history and today that are examples of people with leadership.  There are some main qualities of leadership that I would like to speak on today:

 

Qualities of a good leader

 

A good leader is intelligent, educated, confident, inspiring, selfless, and understanding (among many more other good qualities).  Without these qualities, a person is bereft of the necessary skills which are essential in leading others in an effective manner.

 

Intelligent

 

A good leader must be smart.  They must understand the area in which they are trying to lead.  If owning a business, the leader must be well versed in business operations and able to make intelligent decisions without guessing.  A leader of a basketball team must understand the game of basketball, as well as their own team and the opponents team.  A good leader is able to make sound decisions with positive results.

 

Educated

 

Education is essential for good leadership.  Experience must be part of this education.  If you are working for someone leading a business and they are young, inexperienced, and not quite sure what they are doing, you can bet that they are not cut out to lead that business.  You can tell if someone is educated by asking them questions related to what they are leading.  If they are unable to answer a majority of the questions or even know where to look for the answers, this should tell you that their leadership is questionable in the area they are leading.

 

Confident

 

A good leader is confident in their abilities.  This means the leader is smart and capable.  They may have their doubts like anyone else, but they never let these doubts surface in front of the people they are leading.  They make decisions and stick with them.  A poor leader will be hesitent, and unsure.  Confidence comes from experience, education, and intelligence.  Watch for those who are leading and see how confident they are.

 

Inspiring

 

Being inspiring is crucial for good leadership.  If the people being led do not feel that their leader is worth following, then the leader is next to useless.  Inspiring people can be done in many ways.  A rallying speech, gatherings with those being led where the people’s efforts are rewarded, or other worthwhile events.  Being upfront and honest, but steadfast in goals and objectives is also a way to inspire.  A good leader will spend time with the people he/she is leading.  The leader will ‘be in the trenches’ with those being led.  The people will see this and it is inspiring to see a leader doing the ‘dirty work’ that the followers are doing.

 

Selfless

 

A good leader sacrifices and does more than what is required.  A good leader will spend extra time with those being led making sure they are able to accomplish what it is they are doing in the best possible way.  Larry Bird, a former NBA basketball player was an excellent leader.  He would show up to practice early, leave practice late, and spent much extra time perfecting his game.  Good leaders will be seen often doing this.  If your leaders are never around to be seen, or are not spending the time helping you, you can bet that they are not qualified to lead.

 

Understanding

 

A good leader must understand those being led.  Across the board, people have a multitude of personalities.  A good leader is able to blend these personalities for the best possible result.  Sometimes morale gets low and the leader has to spend time with the people to make sure things are in order.  A good leader knows the personalities of those being led.  The leader can adapt his approach to what people need.  Some people need direct correction and admonishment.  Others require a much more subtle approach.  Good leaders have the power of discernment and are able to handle different types of people.

 

Qualities of followers

 

As a leader has qualities, so does a follower.  When I say follower, what I mean is someone who is not cut out to be a leader.  There are a good many people with wonderful qualities that are excellent followers.  But for purposes of this article, followers are people who are not qualified to lead.  Followers generally do not have the main characteristics required to be a good leader.  They lack in people skills or creativity.  Or they just do not want to shoulder responsibility.

 

Final thoughts

 

Being a good leader requires sacrifice and many good qualities.  Make sure to look for these good qualities in the people who you consider to be leaders.  This can be your teachers, managers, owners of the company you work for, or anyone who is taking a role in leading people.  If you desire to be a leader, first look to refine yourself before you start trying to lead others.

In the movie trilogy, “The Lord of the Rings” (LOTR), there is a gruesome and pitiful creature known as ‘Smeagol’.  He also goes by the name ‘Gollum’.  A main storyline in LOTR is the sad story of Smeagol and his desperate quest to find the One Ring of Power.

 

Smeagol once possessed this ring and became addicted to the power it brought him.  Having lost the ring before the LOTR series, Smeagol became obsessed in finding it.  Everything he did was based on his need for the ring.  He was addicted to it.  In the end, it was the catalyst for the fate he suffered.

 

There are many things in life that one should never be desperate for. By desperate I mean where your whole purpose for existing revolves around trying to fill the void of desperation you have. There are three desperations in particular that I would like to talk about.

 

Desperate for love

 

Throughout life, I’ve seen the desperation and need for love drive people to do some pretty crazy things.  And this desperation for love has come from people who are single, divorced, married - it does not matter your current relationship status.  It is ok to desire companionship from another person.  But think about how much you are thinking about it.  If all of your actions and time is solely spent on finding love, this should be a warning sign to you that you are way too desperate.

 

Especially if you are married and you find yourself looking to other men/women for love, take a step back.  You are likely not spending nearly the amount of time on your marriage that you should be.  If your marriage is not meant to be, take the steps to end it by communicating with your spouse.  But don’t go waltzing around behind your partners back looking for love and think it’s okay.  If you are not happy, communicate with your partner.

 

If your desire for love from another is the driving force in your life, I encourage you to take a second look at yourself.  I created drjerm.com to help people who struggle and face challenges in life.  This challenge is a big one.  If you take the time to go through my site and start working on creating a better you, you will then start spending less time on finding love and more time on doing the things you are passionate and talented about.  When you are happy, confident, and energetic, you will attract those who are the same.  You will then find the right kind of love, instead of in desperation, taking the first person that pays attention to you and smiles, and annointing that person as your true love.

 

Desperate for money

 

The recent news of mortgage companies facing serious financial troubles raises several issues.  One of the main ones is greed.  It is ok to want to have a lot of money.  But when that desire for money is at the forefront of all your decisions and you have no regard for your friends, co-workers, or family, then you are in serious trouble.  You become a slave to money and the many other areas of life will evade you.  Yes, you may get rich and be well to do with money.  But you will also likely be a chaotic spender of that money and get yourself into serious financial trouble.

 

With no back bone of living sound principals, including finance, even with large sums of money, you can bet that your greed will cause you to spend that money on things you probably don’t need.  And the more you spend, the more money you will want and a vicious spiral will form.  You will have no regard for people.  You will lie to people to get what you want.  Please, I’ve seen what greed for money can do to people.  Don’t let yourself get caught up with money being your primary focus to the point you will become cut throat and betray people.  Manage your money responsibly of course, but don’t let money be your driving force.

 

Desperate for acceptance

 

While growing up and going through schooling, up through high school, I was witness to many people who were desperate to fit in.  This caused them to act in a very irrational way that ended up ostracizing them from people even more.  Some kids in high school wanted to fit in so they got drunk, or smoked weed, or did other harmful drugs.  Or they would go through haneous initiations into groups that left them bruised and battered.  People focused on manipulation of others was common in high school and is indeed prevalent in all age groups.

 

My advice for those of you who are looking for acceptance is to stop trying to get accepted first and foremost and take a step back and examine yourself.  Yes look at yourself, nobody else.  Start spending time working on yourself, what you can do to be a little kinder, less of a back-biter, more of a friend.  Look to help people.  Don’t always ask people what they think of you.  This is a bad sign.  First be accepting of yourself.  When you reach that point, you will no longer need to ask people if you are doing the right thing, look ok, etc…

 

In the end, what matters most is where you are at in life and your acceptance of yourself.  If you are not happy with where you are, make the changes necessary to find happiness.  This involves hard work, kindness, and a slew of other things you can read about on drjerm.com.  I know that if you put time and effort, along with a little faith, into bettering yourself, you will no longer be desperate for anything, and find a true happiness that will transcend this life and carry you forward for the rest of your existence.

It is with much focus and desire that I write this article. Of all the articles I have written, I believe this to be one of the most important up to this point.  I say this because I’ve seen in the world today a problem that seems to go un-noticed.  It seems to not be talked about very much.  It seems to not have much public attention.  Perhaps with a loud voice and some time I can help bring it to light.

 

I am talking about people and companies and how to tell the legitimacy of them.  This means seeing if the person or the company is really genuine and really has the interest of other people at its heart.  Sadly, my experience with some people and companies has been that the person or the company is solely focused on their own personal and financial gain, and that person or company will say and do anything to get people to side with them.  I consider this a slap in the face and seek to educate people in determining if they should deal with a person or company.

Now I recently posted a blog entry about judging other people and I of course advocate spending much time gathering facts and information before making a decision about a person or company.  However, there are people and companies in my life that I have had bad experiences with - and I’ve spent quite some time around these people and companies.  I now have a list of criteria that must be satisfied before I will do business with a company or another person.  As each of you live each day, in order to achieve true success, being educated about a variety of things is important.  In this case, I seek to save you from making a bad decision with the people and companies you do business with.

 

Online Companies

 

I talked a while back, and with much anger and frustration, about an online company I worked for and helped start.  I can’t believe how angry I was.  But I know there were real and correct reasons for my anger.  I do not seek to slander that company or any other companies.  However, my eyes are opened to some not so honest practices that companies seem to be using to get customers to purchase their products.  This is the first thing I would like to focus on.

 

The first thing to check on an online website is not for how cool or professional the website looks.  I have a background in website development.  I know what it takes to get a website to look cutting edge and professional.  The reality is, you can pay a graphic designer a few hundred dollars, or find a website template already made and pay someone to make a few changes.  The cost is not very much to develop a professional looking website.  Getting it online is even cheaper.  Now, there is nothing wrong with a professional looking website.  However, there are several key things that must be found on the website, or there is a good chance that the website is not telling you the whole truth, but instead just trying to get you excited so you will spend a lot of money.

 

Super Long Page of Information

 

When a web page goes on and on and on about how much money people are making and shows yellow and red highlights on text and the page just keeps scrolling down and down, you can bet that the page is trying to get you hooked and in a state where you believe that you must further investigate what’s on the page and buy it.  All I can say is, be very cautious of web pages that scroll down and down with hype, ‘testimonials’ of ‘real’ people who’ve made x amount of dollars.  Don’t be fooled, be smart and stay away :)

 

Detailed About Us Page

 

A website can state that it was created by experienced professionals with many years experience in whatever they feel like saying they have experience in.  This does nothing.  My 16 month old daughter can almost type that on the computer.  Don’t believe everything you read, in fact, always question what you read first.  In this case, companies that don’t descriptively say who their owners are, or top management are, are hiding something.  The company must do much more than mention names.  They must show profile pictures, and a few paragraphs at least on the top tier people explaining who they are and why they are qualified to be owners for that company.  Even then, make an educated decision.  It takes just minutes to type up a web page of lies.  If detailed about us nformation is not present, question the company you are doing business with.

 

Also, someone who is not willing to share details about themself, and what makes them who they are may be covering something up.  Look for people to show evidence of what makes them qualified for what they are doing.  If this evidence is not readily apparent, you can bet you are dealing with someone who is just looking to benefit while they themself aren’t providing much of value.

 

Upfront and Honest About Prices

 

Some companies like to cover up their prices with information that tries to get you excited.  There is nothing wrong with getting a potential customer excited.  But if this is done to try and ‘hide’ the cost of the product, you can bet the company is one you don’t want to deal with.  A company should very clearly and in detail explain what the prices of their products are.  And this should be explained on the home page, or on a products page.  If the information is not available or apparent upon visiting the website, you can bet that the company is likely not offering something of value and you should stay away.

 

Clear Description of Product/Service

 

A company should be very clear what they are offering.  On the home page or a products page, the exact details of their products should be shown.  Not only that, a clear description of the costs associated with those products should be shown, along with the terms of the cost.  Is it upfront, monthly, yearly, etc…  The company should also very clearly be able to explain why their product is of value.  And this shouldn’t be explained with rhetoric to try and get you excited.  It should be simple and plain and understandable, backed up with facts and evidence from reliable sources.

 

Be cautious of vague details.  Be cautious of promises that the companies product will make you thousands of dollars.  Vague promises should be a warning sign to you that the company is not offering something of real value.

 

Free Demo

 

A company offering a product/service - especially a service, should provide the means to see the product/service in action via a free demo section of the website.  A customer should be able to evaluate the product, try it out, and then be able to make a decision from there if they are interested.  Companies who do not provide this service, and make promises that they can’t keep or are not true, can easily be spotted by the covering up of their products with rhetoric and talk of excitement, without the ability to try hands on.

 

Clear Detail and Not Vague

 

When speaking about a product with a company, if you ask the cost of the product and they do not immediately tell you what the cost is, you can be assured that they are using a trained sales tactic.  They will likely move immediately onto something like how much is something similar but more expensive worth.  Companies who sell internet, real estate, and other 1 on 1 coaching services may call your many thousands of dollars you will be asked to spend a ‘tuition’.  Don’t be fooled.  The information they are giving you is not worth thousands of dollars.  See through the smoke of these kinds of companies.

 

Above all, educate yourself.  Never do business or have a relationship with someone who is hazy and not clear/upfront in what they are saying.  Avoid people who continuously make promises, but fail to deliver.  These kinds of people and companies are just trying to get what they want for their own gain.  The key is to evaluate people and companies, see if what they are saying is understandable, and see if there is anything unclear about them.  If there is, this is a sign that potentially something is wrong.

 

The Legitimacy of People

 

A final note about people.  Good, honest people will rarely ask you for anything.  Those who ask you for something and say you will benefit are likely just wanting something themselves and see that you can help.  Good people will welcome your help and participation and be realistic about the promises they make.  Be very cautious about promises from people that if you help them, you will make a lot of money, when the person making the promise is un-educated, and not skilled in what they are trying to make happen.  You can be assured that those who really care about you will talk to you while not always asking something from you.  I’ve experienced in my life, believing that things would work out with a business partner when in reality, the whole time, that person wasn’t really concerned with my benefit.

 

I know that with effort and faith, you will educate yourself, and avoid some of the mistakes that happen when dealing with companies who are not upfront and honest.  You will also be guarded against people who will attempt to use you for their own agenda.  Armed with this knowledge, you will further be on the path to discover your destiny and create your legacy!

There have been disputes about any number of things since recorded history. In the world today, one way to settle disputes is with a judge. Judges provide a mechanism for interpreting and understanding events. In addition, a jury of individual people makes a decision on whether a person is innocent or guilty in a case where that person has been accused of doing something wrong or harmful that possibly warrants reciprocity.  Let’s call this scenario a ‘judgement’, a situation where someone has one or more people draw a conclusion about someone, based on evidence presented by multiple persons.

 

I had the opportunity to hear an individual speak a little bit about judging a couple weeks ago on Sunday.  I was so impressed by what this person had to say and would like to relay a little bit of what they had to offer, as well as some insights of my own.  The end result, I hope will be each of you reading taking a step back and at least giving consideration to the words you read, which relate to judging people.  I would like to talk about our own spheres of life we live in, the spheres of life of others, the intersecting of those spheres, and the importance of understanding our own lack of knowledge.

 

Our Own Spheres of Life

 

First and foremost, I am not the expert on judging.  It is something I have to work on each and every day.  But the insights I have to share on it I believe are worth looking into.  I hope you will read, give consideration, and apply what I have to say about judging people.

 

Each of us individually have lived up to a certain point in our lives.  We have experienced events, come in contact with other people, and formulated our own idea of what existence really is.  We may even be so sure of ourselves that we start to get over-confident.  Perhaps we find faults with people whose view of existence does not match what we have.  I can say for myself that a weakness I have had to overcome was seeing people who did not match my idea of existence and drawing conclusions about those people that I had no business doing.

 

Let’s take a circle and put each of us in that circle.  That circle represents the accumulation of our life experiences and our view of what reality is.  Take a moment and think about what your view of life is.  What do you think about religion, science, sports, politics, money, the environment, health, food, and so on?  Really think about what your view of existence really is.  This is only part of it.  To really understand your views, you have to come in contact with people who don’t have the same views as you.  These people should immediately stand out to you and you can recognize the difference right away.

 

The Spheres of Life of Others

 

Guess what?  Other people have lived up to a certain point in their lives too.  They too have a certain picture of what existence is.  They have their own ideas about a lot of the things you have ideas about.  Chances are, not all of their ideas are going to be the same as yours.  Picture everyone you meet with a sphere surrounding them.  Try to understand that each and every person has life experiences that have molded them into the person they are.  When this is done, understanding people becomes easier.

 

To know the sphere of life of another individual takes time and spending time with that person.  If you truly want to get to know someone, talk about their life experiences and the things they are interested in.  By understanding the nature of someone, it becomes easier to see why they do the things they do.  Can’t understand why someone is spending so much time at work?  Maybe that person had to work when they were young to help support the family.  Maybe they have an idea that working extra hard is necessary.  Don’t be so quick to formulate a negative opinion about people just because their behavior seems to be out of your sphere of reasonability.

 

The Intersecting of Spheres of Life

 

Many of the problems in the world today stem from the intersecting of spheres of life of individuals and the lack of understanding and cooperation therein.  These problems stem from minor conflicts, to full scale wars in the world today.  I am convinced that one of the problems is a jumping to conclusions about someone before getting all the facts straight.  There are plenty of people placing blame and backbiting that it really takes someone doing a full investigation over a lengthy period of time before an even close to accurate decision can be made.  Let me give a list of things to help iterate this:

 

• Just because someone says something that rubs you the wrong way does not mean that person is intentionally trying to make you mad.
• Because someone does not talk to you does not necessarily mean they don’t like you.
• If you are angry, it does not mean that your anger is a correct response.
• There is almost always a reason that someone does something, even if that reason is hidden to you.
• Each and every person is growing and learning through life.  People will make mistakes, yourself included.

 

Take a minute and digest what these points are saying.  The end result is that if we really understand that the world if a large place filled with people of different types, then we can safely say that nothing is ever as simple as saying that someone is who you think they appear to be.  By taking time to gather true evidence, show a little kindness to people, you will help bring out the best in people and make the world a better place.

 

Understanding Our Own Lack of Knowledge

 

If we took the billions of people and looked at them, each with their own spheres, then the realization is one of many different views on life.  And even the combining of everyone’s spheres of life here on earth, that total knowledge of exact existence and correctness of all events is still relatively small.  With that realization, an approach of first, I do not have all knowledge and power, therefore, I must leave room for error on my part.  And second, I must take time to gather knowledge and evidence, and if I must form a conclusion, do it with as much love and kindness as possible.  I believe that most people here on earth are good people that just make mistakes.

 

I would suggest a kindness approach.  When you look at people and realize they are just trying to understand and get through life just like you, then you can be much more accepting of them.  Even if you think someone has made a mistake, that does not mean you are correct in that they made a mistake.  It is just your interpretation of their behavior.  Show some love and kindess and help build other people up.  You will find a lot of tension going out the window and situations becoming better.

 

I hope I’ve been able to offer some insight into juding others.  If nothing else, adopt a kindness and understanding approach before even gathering evidence to draw a conclusion about another individual.  By doing this, I know you will become wiser and have a happier life.

Every so often in the news, you hear about the winner of some gigantic lottery. This person won $20,000,000 in the multi mega millions lottery sweep stakes. Their life is forever changed and they never have to be concerned about money anymore. Actually, they now have to be very concerned about money and if they do not, disaster, bankruptcy, and running from creditors will be the next step.  Guessing about anything, particularly money, is generally not a good idea.

 

Or there is the night before a school exam.  You haven’t studied and you cram for an hour.  You also cram for a few minutes before the test.  When you get your test, it is the equivalent of you being placed in front of stone tablets with egyptian hieroglyphics written and you are being asked to translate.  In this case you could say, “The tablets say the cows ate up all the nachos and boy did they taste good.”  You could also say, “The tablets say that the Egyptians were an ancient people and had tombs with mummies in them and they built the pyramids.”  The second is more of an educated guess, but in realtiy, in both cases, you are really talking out of your you know what.  You are guessing in all its glory.  You do not have knowledge of what exactly is needed.

Ok, so what’s the problem with guessing?

 

In most cases, guessing is not the most efficient way to approach a situation.  It leaves things to chance and luck, usually with very low chances of success.  Ever taken a test that you didn’t study for and you didn’t know much about?  Chances are you got a very low grade.  Yes, there are some geniuses who can probably wing it and ace the test anyways, but these are geniuses, half of a half of a percent.

 

It is much easier to guess at something right away without doing any research or studying on it.  But in the end, all you have really done is just sloppily eliminated one wrong way of doing something.  I have heard many people give the example of approaches to doing something as it relates to ‘ready-aim-fire’.  I will use this example.  I like it and I think it fits.

 

Imagine you are holding a sniper rifle like the marine in this picture. And you have to hit many targets with this weapon and hit them dead on - or your mission will not be complete. You also have a limited number of shots and a limited amount of time.  Now think for a moment what would happen if this marine decided to just stand up, start pointing his weapon around, and firing at random, hoping he hits his targets?

 

There’s a good chance he would be out of ammunition (the stuff that his rifle shoots), and have missed his mark on most, if not all, his targets.  Not only that, there is a chance that he could hurt anyone that is around him because of the danger his guessing with this weapon is causing.  He may not even realize he has hurt those people either because of the long range of his weapon.  He was just hoping that he hit all his targets and meant no harm to any people that were around.

That’s right, he was just hoping he hit his targets and didn’t really realize he could potentially hurt other people.  This is one scenario that could happen.  And it is an all too common scenario in our lives today.  The abundance of guessing and not having a sure knowledge leave our lives to random chance.  This is a scary thing!  Let’s look at some theoretical examples to illustrate this point.

 

•  I’d like to start a business and become a millionaire.  I’ll just get an equity loan on my house, a small business loan, max out my credit cards, and hire a bunch of people.  Maybe this will work out for me.
• Gosh, I’d like to lose weight.  There’s good foods out there, but I can’t really be bothered to eat them.  Besides, I don’t know how to cook and I don’t know what the best foods for me are or how much to eat or where to buy them.
• I’m so excited to get married soon.  Me and my wife are going to have a wonderful marriage.  We’re going to have kids and live happily ever after.
• I just can’t find love.  Everybody I get involved with is a jerk.  What is wrong with me?
• I just don’t feel good.  I’m tired, feel sick all the time, and am not happy, what do I do?

 

These (and many more are situations in life) are often handled by taking the approach that our marine friend here could take.  And that is to just fire randomly and hope for the best.  In the end, the likely outcome is to be worse off than before and have made no real progress.

 

The disaster of guessing is realized usually after an unwanted conclusion of what is trying to be figured out.  This conclusion may be a business that has failed or is on the brink of failing.  It may be being overweight to the point of being uncomfortable.  It may be after being married for a long time realizing that you aren’t compatible with your spouse or that marriage is not for you.  Perhaps it is seeing countless failed relationships in your life and wondering what is wrong.  Or you may feel sick all the time and generally just not be happy.

 

Regardless of what it is, it must be realized that the majority of us have people in our lives that are close to us, are our friends, or are people that rely on us for things (such as a job or being provided food and shelter).  Be very careful about simply guessing and hoping things work out.  Take into careful consideration all the angles you are affecting with your decisions.  By doing this, you will avoid conflict and unpleasent circumstances.

 

The general point here is that the general way to go through life seems to be a pattern of just getting by and seeing what happens.  I believe the truly successful people don’t do very much guessing.  Sure there may be some trial and error.  But I believe that the great leaders and the people who are really successful in this world, those are the people who are taking a different approach.  They are realizing truths, getting educated, increasing in intelligence, and make decisions with sound evidence and support.  It is this which I would like to talk about now.

 

Our marine friend, with the sniper rifle in hand, can take a different approach to hitting his targets.  He can get into a comfortable firing position.  He can get his balance and focus his eye into his gun scope.  He can be very observant of his environment and any sign of moving targets or targets that are fake.  He can observe where other people are so as not to potentially injure them while shooting.  He can take many different precautions.

 

As he trains and takes all these precautions, his awareness will allow him to have a much better chance of hitting his targets.  Sure, he may not hit any of his targets still.  He may only hit a few.  But he has a better chance to hit at least some, if not all of them by taking the necessary steps to prepare and educate himself.  Making the decision after having control over himself and his environment will give him focus and increase the odds of success.

 

What We Can All Do

 

To reduce guessing, there are many things that can be done.  All guessing eliminators require work.  You cannot sit on your hands watching TV all day, or playing video games all day and expect that you are going to have success in your endeavors (unless you are a video game tester or some profession like that).  This is the hard part.  Even I struggle with it.  I mean, who wants to spend their free time reading, learning, and finding out what other people are doing?  Well, for true success and guess elimination, this is what is required.  The guessing eliminators are:

 

• Increasing education through study of online material, the best books, meaningful collaboration with others, and the observance of other people.
• Maintaining health through proper eating, exercise, rest, and the study of what is good for our bodies and what is not.
• Quiet and peaceful meditation in order to orient what our goals and dreams are.  Careful thought on adapting to situations.

 

These three things are very powerful.  Are they easy to do?  No they are not.  Like I said, I struggle with them just like I’m sure the majority of you struggle with them.  But I know what they are and I take time to do them.  There is no simple quick fix to guesing in our lives.  Each problem has a solution.  But that solution is a whole of things that must be done.  Drjerm exists to provide the whole puzzle that must be put together before challenges can really start being overcome.

 

By educationg yourself, maintaining good health, and constantly meditating and seeking to understand yourself, others, and your path in life, you will begin to see things otherwise hidden.  You will begin to see solutions to problems.  I am doing my blog and website here at Drjerm.  I face challenges with doing it.  I started off by guessing.  But I’ve realized that this isn’t going to work too well.  Now I have a different approach.  The material I create I realize is for people looking for answers in life.  Anything I create is something I believe is a direct answer to questions people are having.

 

Do I still have things to figure out.  Of course!  I am still working on the whole getting visitors to my website and increasing traffic thing.  I find many website owners struggling with this.  My website gets about 15 visitors a day right now.  I would love to increase this to 100 or 500 or more!  To do this, I am coming up with ideas such as business cards I can leave with people, word of mouth through my family and friends, and increasing the quality of material on my website and blog.

 

Does this mean I will succeed?  I believe it does and that eventually I will have a heavily trafficed website and blog.  But it may take a long while and much more education for myself.  I may not see success for some time.  But I believe I am on the right track.  I’ve learned being upfront and honest about yourself is important and I’ve done that.  Doing Google videos is important and I am doing that.  I figured out how to sign up for Google Adsense and I am doing that.  I signed up as an Amazon affiliate and I have relevant products on my site now.  Slowly over time as I discover more resources, I will have more that I can do, and eventually, I will hit that ’sweet spot’ where things just start rolling.

 

The main thing is if you do not know something, find out what other people have to say about it.  Draw your own conclusions about whether you think what was said is worthwhile.  Make decisions based on evidence where possible.  I know that with effort and faith, that you can avoid guessing and start making powerful decisions!

I’ve begun to see a situation with people where they have worked at a company for 10, 15, or more years and either the company is running itself into the ground, or the worker at the company is no longer interested in being there.  For someone in this situation, what do you do?

 

Habit/Comfort

 

I have been fortunate ever since I graduated college in April 2004.  I am now working at my 4th job and each transition has been on my terms and my choosing and has provided me with an upgrade in my salary.  This is not the case for everyone.  Those of you who’ve been stuck at the same place of work for many many years have a lot of comfort and things you are used to at your job.  Adapting and changing will at first, be difficult.

 

The good news is that it’s not so difficult that you cannot do it.  Especially if your company is headed downhill either through management failures, or from just losing business over time.  The first step is not wanting to be comfortable but looking for a change.  This means gaining new skills and taking time to get out of your comfort zone.

 

Take the time to gain the skills for your field that you do not have.  For me, this means looking at the latest in web development technologies.  For others, this means learning to cook more exotic foods, find more creative ways to crunch numbers, or finding ways to better manage people.  Do not get discouraged because you do not know the extra skills you need.  Simply take the time to learn them through practice and application.  Find out what employers are looking for and go out and get those skills by any means necessary!

 

Change of Perception

 

Most of the people who’ve worked at the same company and that are in a rut there likely have a common scenario.  They have not had any of the following for many many years:

 

• Create a Resume
• Have a Job Interview
• Learn New Skills
• Excitement at the work place
• Desire to do anymore than is necessary to get the job done
• Compliments of management

 

I will say that the ‘drudgery’ of work creates a rut that hopefully can at least be recognized if you are in that situation.  I have some ideas that I believe can get you out of this rut, but you must be willing to take some action for an extended period of time.  Not working on it for a few days or weeks and then giving up because you didn’t see instant results.  The vision of long term effort and determination is what leads people to future success.

 

So the first step is changing your perception to someone who is proactive and enjoys new challenges.  This means talking to yourself and building yourself up.  Tell yourself you like new challenges.  Paint a picture of yourself that is happy and energetic.  You like to meet new people, undertake challenging projects, and solve problems.  You are successfull and happy.  You can do it!

 

What do You Want?

 

I know a guy who likes Harley Davidson motorcycles.  He’s worked at the same company for over 10 years.  He does not like it there.  He’s getting burned out and he likely comes home and just crashes, with no desire to try and accomplish much of anything.  This spiraling routine must be fought and beaten into the ground.  Do not feel like coming home from work is the end to your creative thinking and time to stuff your face with snacks and watch your favorite TV shows on DVR.  This will lead you to decay and a sedentary and unhappy life.

 

What you CAN do is spend time thinking about what you like and start putting action into place to pursue that which you like.  The guy I know that likes Harleys could start taking time to compile information about the motorcycles of today.  He could take pictures, and write pages and pages of information.  In time, he’d have the ‘bible’ of motorcycles.  This could lead him to start a website, create his own brand of motorcycle, start his own dealership, or start his own club.

 

Does this seem silly?  No way!  It is possible!  I am living proof of this.  I saw that I enjoyed helping people and wanted to make a difference in the world.  This means not coming home and sitting with my hands under my butt watching reruns of Seinfeld all day.  It means taking time to pursue my dreams and passions!  It means working on this website!  I am also going to be pursuing real estate and renting properties because I like working with people and know that some good extra money can come from it.

 

I am not afraid.  I know the pros and cons to what I do.  I move forward with determination and happiness.  I know that you can do the same.  Why wouldn’t you want to pursue the things you love the most and are passionate about?  Isn’t that what being happy is all about?

 

Being Fearless

 

Fear of the unknown, change, and leaving your comfort zone no doubt keeps you in check from changing the monotony of life.  It does not have to be that way!  You don’t have to make millions of dollars either.  I make a decent salary at my day job.  And I work on all this other stuff in my spare time.  I love doing it.  You may love motorcycles, music, singing, dancing, cooking, cars, magic - whatever it may be, if you love it and are good at it, I can’t see why you wouldn’t want to spend time on it.

 

Once you know what you want to do, make every effort to do it.  It’s like someone offering you a brief case full of gold, but you reject it because the brief case is heavy or looks funny and you don’t want it because it’s different than what you have.  My goodness, I hope you can see the fault of not pursuing your dreams and passions!

 

Do not be afraid of failing.  Take every effort to educate yourself.  Research, talk with others, and most importantly, take action.  Be happy that you are pursuing your dreams.  There is no feeling like knowing that you are doing what you are meant to be doing in life.  It removes fear and doubt and instead replaces you with confidence, happiness, and inner peace.  I know with faith, effort, and determination that you can break free of your many years at your job and start doing worthwhile things!

Ever been puzzled by a choice someone made or how to tell if someone likes you or is genuinely interested in you?  You are in luck.  I have some information on this topic that I believe will prove useful.  You will be able to see the true intentions of other people and whether or not they have your best interests at heart by reading on!

 

Why Do People Do Things?

 

One of the first things I would examine as you encounter and talk to people each day is why other people do things.  Your co-worker sitting next to you is complaining.  Why exactly are they doing this?  Your spouse asks you to please take out the trash.  Why are they asking this?  Your boss at work says he wants you to be on the same page as him.  Why would your boss ask this?

 

There are many, many situations each day that we all experience and go through.  If you carefully examine what is going on, you will be able to see if the people you are around are genuinely interested in you.  I’ve compiled a basic list of why people do things.  This list is at the heart of what you should be looking at when people do anything.

 

• For personal financial gain
• For individual power/influence
• Out of love or respect
• Out of anger, jealousy, frustration, fear, or some other negative emotion
• For the betterment of a family, business, or organization/group
• To save their own skin from a bad situation
• To have fun and be spontaneous
• To brainstorm and bounce ideas around
• To further a hidden agenda
• To further a dream/passion
• A random thought or action

 

This list is about as extensive as I could think of.  I am open to suggestions of more reasons why people do things.  But I do believe this list will cover most, if not all, of what I want to talk about.  Bottom line, in most cases, there is a real, non-random reason for the actions of other people.

 

High Level Reasons for Decision Making

 

There are three main ‘roots’ that create actions/choices from other people.  These are:

 

• Sustainability/Increase
• Love/Respect
• Negativity

 

Sustainability/Increase

 

Living, surviving, and building a better life are at the heart of this root of action.  Most people want to live and survive.  Others want to increase and have a better life.  Still, there are those who are very ambitious and seek to gain a huge increase, above and beyond what is required for a better life, the purpose for which can be for their own agenda or a real desire to do good.

 

Love/Respect

 

True friendship, kindness, love, and admiration are the source of this root.  Where someone really respects or admires someone, they are more likely to do something for that person that is inconvenient for the person taking the action.  In the case of a marriage where love is at the root, spouse’s are willing to make sacrifices to better the marriage.  Choices made for these reasons are the most powerful that can be made.  If the person is making a sacrifice or comprimise on your behalf, it’s more likely they have your best interest at heart.

 

Negativity

 

Brute force, fear, intimidation, and other negatives are the root of negativity.  Lies, deceit, creating mistrust are some intentions behind the negative root.  Threatening through physical harm, or emotional distress are signs that a negative choice is being made.  These are the choices of others you really want to watch for.  Is the person acting in desperation or hastiness?  Are they acting randomly and not thinking, but making swift demands?  Are they making demands without much thought for others?  Be very wary of these people.

 

The level of force behind an action

 

Lastly, there is a level of ‘force’ behind an action/decision someone makes.  This force is independent of whether the action is for selfish or unselfish reasons or whether the action can be classified as ‘good’ or bad’.  I’ve defined the levels of force below:

 

1. Weak
2. Mediocore
3. Average
4. Strong
5. Real Intent

 

Weak

 

A weak force is a choice made and forgotten minutes later.  This is the response to your spouse of ‘yes dear’ when you are clearly thinking about something else and responding to something they are saying you are not interested in.  It is someone out of the blue asking you to do a favor without any fore thought.  Weak force has no preparation or planning and has no real merit or reason for doing.  Evidence is also very hard to come by with weak force.

 

Mediocore

 

There is a smidge of planning and thought behind mediocore force.  Maybe someone has a brilliant idea, but they don’t know how to make it happen, so they ask you whom they know, being capable of accomplishing it, to create it for them.  In the mean time, there has been no thought about your or them and the future impact of what doing this might be.  There is also little evidence to support an action/decision with mediocore force.

 

Average

 

An average force actually has a little planning, structure, and evidence to it.  Someone may be asking you to help them with a project, and they can show a few figures of how there will be success.  They may even say that you are in on the project and will gain a percentage of the profit.  Average decisions show a little forethought and some consideration for others involved.

 

Strong

 

A strong force action/decision requires a good portion of time and energy from an individual.  Does the person know what they are talking about?  Can they provide evidence behind what they are saying?  Do they show any passion or desire for achieving what they are doing?  Chances are, much planning and effort has gone into a decision with a strong force behind it.  Generally, these are actions/decisions made by people who are experts in a chosen field, or where circumstances arise that call for immediate action (flooding, job loss, avoiding harm, etc…)

 

Real Intent

 

A real intent decision requires most of the time, energy, and resources of an individual.  You can tell that someone is acting with real intent if they are pouring out all they have to the decision.  A decision like this also knows that the help of other people is a necessity and that choice does all it can to incentivise the aid of other people.  You will find actions like this extremely rare.  But when they do occur, you will know it.  And this force is independent of good/evil.  There are some dedicated people out there who act with real intent with the purpose of doing harm.

 

Most decisions/actions taken throughout each day by people fall between levels one to three.  Cases of strong or real intent actions are rare occurances.  Most people are not giving their full attention to their decisions.  This is extremely important to note and you can tell at what level someone is giving their attention to a decision or action by just examining the detail to which they are able to explain what they are doing.

 

The reason knowing the level of force behind actions and decisions is very important for knowing if someone is genuinely interested in you.  If a person is using a strong level or real intent level of force, you know that their interest either in themself is very high and genuine, or they actually have a very genuine interest in you.  These two level of forces should be taken very seriously when it is seen that someone is acting with them.

 

Put It All Together and Start Seeing if People are Genuinely Interested in You

 

We now have three very important tools for understanding the decisions of others and if others are truly interested in you.  There is the list of reasons people do things.  Next are the roots of decision making.  Finally, there is the force behind any action/decision.  Keeping these three things in mind constantly will give you an edge in understanding other people.

 

When you interact with people, run them through these three important tools.  First, identify from the list of reasons people are doing something.  Then identify the root of the choice.  Lastly, determine the force for which the decision or action is happening.  The root of the choice is the most important to get down.  Simply look at what you are being offered and what evidence is behind it.  Maybe someone is only contacting you when they need something rather than seeing how things are going.  This is a sign that person is only interested in the skills you have, but not genuinely interested in you.

 

Respond back to the actions of others where you can.  Ask them why they are making that choice and ask why they are talking to you about it.  Ask them to present evidence or experience they have that shows the force of the decision.  By examining and figuring out fully where the other person is ‘coming from’, you can make an informed decision about whether they have your best interests at heart.

 

Wolves in Sheeps Clothing

 

I wanted to end by saying there are always situations that fall outside the normal realm of things.  In some cases, someone may appear kind, considerate, and bending over backwards to help you out.  However, their true intent may be to use you and gain power over you in a way you cannot see.  My advice for avoiding this is to do your research on people.  Talk to others that know the person.  Be VERY CAUTIOUS of immediately accepting someone you’ve first met even if they seem nice.

 

The point is that there are those out there who put on a pretend face to get the things they want.  These people seem nice and considerate at first, but beneath all that is a disgusting evil that seeks to twist and distort what is good in this world.  All I can say is educate yourself, be slow to accept people in your life, make informed decisions, and trust your instincts.  I know with preparation, faith, and effort, that you can better tell people’s reasons for decision making and if they are genuinely interested in you.