Leap Frogging From Ordinary To Extraordinary

I am going to share my thoughts about what separates the extraordinary from the ordinary. First off, there has been plenty said about what stops people from being extraordinary. Some of these are fear of failure, fear of criticizm, and fear of the unknown. But I do not wish to dwell on the negative aspects. I wish to share what I’ve seen in extraordinary people that sets them apart from others. And perhaps you will find the courage to be extraordinary.

 

The questions you may ask are why should I listen to you and why should I care? Those are two very excellent questions. The answer to the first is simply read and listen to what I have to say. If you don’t find any use for it, I wish you the best. The answer to the second one is a hidden life of great reward and fulfillment.

I believe that a special animal is needed to really illustrate this article - and that animal is the loveable frog! One of the coolest features of a frog is its ability to leap. And my how they leap – some frogs can leap over 50 times their body length, while the ‘average’ frog only leaps about 20 times its body length. If you were to take a six foot tall human, that’s 300 feet at a peak jump! Now that is the equivalent of one of us homosapiens nearly hurdling over the Statue of Liberty!

 

I really hope these links last a long time, but they are my reference for my information about frogs:
http://animals.howstuffworks.com/amphibians/frog-info.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Statue_of_Liberty

 

Think of success, in this case, as the level to which one completes the ideas in his/her mind. Each level requires more and more of a jump to get to. To illustrate, let’s start first with the level of success in where you exist on this earth. I think everyone alive has achieved this level of success, and so we will create the first circle. And look at that, it’s one big party in there and everyone is invited. Congratulations, you have achieved the first level of success. And that is to exist here on this earth. No small feat by any means, this life is meant to challenge us, and just the fact you are here is impressive. But still, everyone else has done it as well.

 

 

Often times people talk about ideas for stuff they would like to do. Whether it’s starting a business, going on a trip, or changing a bad habit, most people have done this. But not everyone. It is a requirement to be able to communicate with others in order to do this. Still, this next circle is full of people, albeit somewhat less than the first. These are people who have simply spoken about something they would like to do and nothing more.

 

 

The next circle consists of those who go a leap further than simply talking about what they would like to do. Perhaps they write down some of what they would like to do, and begin to create a plan for putting it into motion. The beginning of creating the idea is the group of people in this circle and there is a smaller amount of people here than the previous one. These people have actually started to put their ideas into motion for a short time.

 

 

Further still is the next circle and even smaller is the amount of people in it. The next group of people have spent some time trying to put their ideas into motion. But obstacles, challenges, burn out, or other problems have discouraged them from continuing. After a few months, they have given up, but gave a good short burst to try their idea. These are the people who tried for a little while but just didn’t have it in them to keep going.

 

 

The disparity between this circle and the others before it is frightening. The leap to this circle is made by a small amount of people in the world. These are the people who get past the challenges and obstacles in their way to keep fighting to make their ideas a reality. This group of people are creating their ideas no matter what. The amount of people aware of their ideas may be relatively small however, but still, these people see their ideas through to completion.

 

 

The last circle here has a microscopic amount of people compared to the very first. In it are people who have ideas and see them to fruition. Not only that, they are able to get people around the world to be aware that their ideas exist. They capitalize by having their ideas purchased or adopted and make up some of the wealthiest and/or enriched people in the world today. These are the people whose burning desire, planning, and persistence far exceed the averge person. These are the leaders of the world today.

 

 

Do you have what it takes to make the leap to the final circle? It is a journey not many have completed. Most stop well before getting there. But if you have the courage, persistence, dedication, and intelligence to do it, the reward is well worth it. I am taking the leap to this final circle. I am far from getting there, but I am continuing my efforts each day.

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Many of you reading this drive at least a few times a week. For me, at the time of writing this, I am working as a software developer on Ancestry.com. I have a 20 minute commute to and from work each day which involves driving on the freeway and in the city (albeit a small city). One of the most bizarre things happened last week while I was driving. I already am very observant of the driving of others around me, and what happened stood out more than most I’ve seen.

 

Entering the freeway

 

Freeways are roads used to drive as quickly as possible to other areas. They are made without stop lights or stop signs, and minimal turns. Generally, you get on a freeway from a city, where there is a road that turns on to it. As you do this, most of the time, there is a stretch of road you drive in that eventually merges with the freeway. This means that the road you are driving on will eventually be part of the freeway, and as such, care must be taken to look for other drivers who could potentially clash with you. And those same drivers must also keep an eye out for people entering the freeway, so as not to cut them off.

 

I was on a freeway with three lanes, driving home. There was a car, preparing to enter the freeway and onto the right lane. There was a car already driving in the right lane, that appeared it would hit the ‘merge’ spot at the same time as the car preparing to enter. All this was happening about 50 to 60 feet in front of me. So I slowed down a little bit as the car already on the freeway was not giving an inch. In the car trying to merge appeared to be a young college male, and he ended up having to drive on the shoulder of the freeway as there was no room for him to get on. I’ve never seen this happen before. He drove on the shoulder of the freeway on the right for a good 15 seconds, before he finally got space to merge in.

 

As such, DrJerm is going to provide you with some tips that will make your driving experience much safer, relaxing, and enjoyable.

 

Relax

 

Realize that you don’t need to zip at a million miles an hour everytime you get in your car and have to go somewhere. It’s ok to relax and enjoy stops at stop signs and red lights. It’s okay if traffic gets a little slow. Just sit back, meditate, and think of things you are going to do. Practice this, and what used to be inconveniences for you while driving will turn into opportunities to think and organize your thoughts.

 

Constantly Survey and Watch Other Cars

 

Driving while watching and anticipating the moves of others has prevented me from rear ending cars, getting side swiped, or getting into dangerous driving situations. Not only that, it has allowed me to be courteous while driving and provide opportunities for other cars to be safer. When I saw that the two cars were going to have a problem with the merge on the freeway, I slowed down, so I was not in the way. Had I just kept going, I would have been right next to the offending car that blocked the merging car, and could have potentially caused an accident.

 

Stay at or Just Above the Speed Limit

 

Driving at, or just above the speed limit ensures that you won’t have a cop with flashing lights startling you while driving. It also means you will have more time to react to situations around you. Avoid the temptation to go more than five miles an hour past the speed limit. Not only is it more safe, it is more gas efficient (if you are driving a gas powered car).

 

Let Others in Front of You

 

It’s okay to let someone in your lane in front of you. Resist the urge to speed up when someone tries to get in your lane. Most people are not trying to get in your lane because they saw your car and deicded that offending you was suddenly their prime objective for driving. No, most people are driving because they are trying to get somewhere. And unfortunately, most people try to as speedily get there as possible. Try enjoying the ride for a change.

 

Keep a Safe Distance in Front of You

 

I keep at least four car length in front of me on the freeway, usually five or six. This means many people will cut in front of me, and that is fine. I just slow down a little and keep driving. When I have to slow down because of an accident or traffic congestion, I don’t have to slam on my breaks. I can hit the breaks, and have plenty of time to slow down or stop. Resist the urge to get as close to people in front of you as possible. Doing this shows impatience, and also greatly increases the risk of hitting them, should the need to stop arise.

 

Please Signal

 

Some people like to drive and change lanes, moving around without any notification that they are doing so. Whether this is because they just don’t care, or for any other reason, this is unsafe. Please use your blinker to indicate you are changing into another lane or turning. Not only is this safe, but it is courteous and just might brighten someone’s day.

 

So Why Does This Matter?

 

This matters because following these, and other safe driving tips, will help you be calmer, more courteous, and more safe as you drive. You will notice that driving is no longer a chore, waiting at a red light isn’t a big deal, and that before you know it, you’ve arrived at your destination!

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Our country is relatively new in the grand scheme of things. Part of how our country is run is in part to the ‘President of the United States’. Since 1789, the United States has had a president. This is just over 200 years of having a president – a very small time when the entire existence of the world is taken into perspective. Below is a list of the presidents, from the very first, George Washington, up until now, where the president is Barack H. Obama. I will state the significance and reason for my mentioning of the presidents of the United States after the list of them.
 

01	Washington, George (1789-1797)
02	Adams, John (1797-1801)
03	Jefferson, Thomas (1801-1809)
04	Madison, James (1809-1817)
05	Monroe, James (1817-1825)
06	Adams, John Quincy (1825-1829)
07	Jackson, Andrew (1829-1837)
08	Van Buren, Martin 1837-1841)
09	Harrison, William Henry (1841)
10	Tyler, John (1841-1845)
11	Polk, James Knox (1845-1849)
12	Taylor, Zachary (1849-1850)
13	Fillmore, Millard (1850-1853)
14	Pierce, Franklin (1853-1857)
15	Buchanan, James (1857-1861)
16	Lincoln, Abraham (1861-1865)
17	Johnson, Andrew (1865-1869)
18	Grant, Ulysses S. (1869-1877)
19	Hayes, Rutherford Birchard (1877-1881)
20	Garfield, James Abram (1881)
21	Arthur, Chester Alan (1881-1885)
22	Cleveland, Grover (1885-1889)
23	Harrison, Benjamin (1889-1893)
24	Cleveland, Grover (1893-1897)
25	McKinley, William (1897-1901)
26	Roosevelt, Theodore (1901-1909)
27	Taft, William Howard (1909-1913)
28	Wilson, Woodrow	(1913-1921)
29	Harding, Warren Gamaliel (1921-1923)
30	Coolidge, Calvin (1923-1929)
31	Hoover, Herbert Clark (1929-1933)
32	Roosevelt, Franklin Delano (1933-1945)
33	Truman, Harry (1945-1953)
34	Eisenhower, Dwight David (1953-1961)
35	Kennedy, John Fitzgerald (1961-1963)
36	Johnson, Lyndon Baines (1963-1969)
37	Nixon, Richard Milhous (1969-1974)
38	Ford, Gerald Rudolph (1974-1977)
39	Carter, James Earl Jr. (1977-1981
40	Reagan, Ronald Wilson (1981-1989)
41	Bush, George Herbert Walker (1989-1993)
42	Clinton, William Jefferson (1993-2001)
43	Bush, George Walker (2001-2009)
44	Obama, Barack Hussein (2009-present)

That’s a nice list, so what?

 

The presidents of the United States have come in different varieties.  Some are less ‘reputable’ than others, but they share some common characteristics.  These are the characteristics of intelligence, resolve, and fortitude.  As today is ‘Presidents Day’, I think it is worth looking at the list of presidents this country has had and thinking about their good qualities.

 

Intelligence

 

One does not simply become the President of the United States through dumb luck and a lack of intelligence.  It takes great brain power and even some luck.  Each president must have a wide array of knowledge in all areas of life, not to mention knowledge about politics and the way in which the country operates.

 

So to is intelligence a driving factor of progress with us.  Our intelligence plays a key role in where we make it to in life.  If we stop gaining intelligence, one can bet that the person who has stopped gaining intelligence will stay in the same place they are and be in that same place many years down the road.

 

Resolve

 

The president must have immense resolve.  I look at the term which George W. Bush just served, for eight years.  He has been slammed by the public, television shows, and anything else you can imagine.  Yet his resolve has remained firm.  He has not let himself get frazzled by the ramblings of other people.  Say what you want about him, he stayed on the course of resolve through harsh criticizm.

 

Our own individual resolve must be like that of a president.  Hard times may come, and challenges may surface.  It may be a common reaction to simply complain, or vent the frustration to those around.  This does nothing but spread negativity.  Don’t worry about what other people think.  Look inwards at yourself, and progress on the path which will make your life meaningful.

 

Fortitude

 

Fortitude is the health and stamina which one has.  While some of the presidents have not been in the greatest physical condition, their mental fortitude is likely unmatched.  Just think about how much weight is on every decision the president makes.  Think of the scrutiny and bickernig that is going to happen with every decision.  The president must have the fortitude to withstand this and move forward.

 

In our lives, fortitude is something to seek after.  Not only is staying in great physical condition necessary for maintaining an active and happy life, our emotional condition is equally important.  When challenges arise, or fatigue sets in, it is important to stay on the path of diligence and perseverance.  How often do we get tired, or not feel like working on the things which we know will separate us from mediocrity.  Don’t fall into this trap.  Remain diligent and consistent.

 

Final Thoughts

 

Take a moment and examine the list of presidents of the United States from Wikipedia.org.  I have taken a greater interest in the history of our country since this last election.  If nothing else, I wish to know about the people running our country.  I know I could probably name about six presidents of the United States.  I hope to memorize this list and use it as another tool to help me further create my legacy in the world today.

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A quick look at these zebras and it can be seen that there are more zebras. One can expect to see zebras when looking at this picture. Think for a moment. Does that mean there are only ever zebras in pictures? Could there possibly be more?

 

There was a man, married for many years to the same woman.  One day while leaving for work, he opened the door and banged his head against the top of the door frame leading out of his house.  It left a bruise.  His wife asked him about it.  He said it was nothing.

 
The next day, as he was about to leave for work, he paused and looked at the top of the door.  He figured, why not, and on purpose, banged his head against the top of the door frame.  This went on for many weeks.

 

His wife began to notice a big bruise forming on the top of his forehead.  When asking about it, the man replied that he was used to banging his head on top of the door frame and it was something he expected to be done every day as he left for work.  His wife stomped her feet in frustration and asked him what on earth he was thinking.

 

The next day before the man went to work, she grabbed him by his arms and took him to the door and opened it.  She told him to stop right in front of the door and open it.  As he did this, he was getting ready to bang his head on the top of the door frame.  His wife grabbed him and told him to stop.  She gently pushed down on his arms and told him to duck.  As he did so, she gently pushed him through the door, and he did so without banging his head.

 

The man was confused, he didn’t know quite what to do.  He felt the urge to go back inside the house and bang his head against the door frame.  His wife told him to go to work and just crouch down a little before he left for work each day.

 

Over time, the man did this.  The bruise began to leave his forehead.  He had been freed from his head banging.  He was truly thankful to his wife for her support and helping him open his eyes and see the foolishness of his ways.


We all have a collection of experiences in our lives to base reality on.

 

Like the zebras which are all the same, or the foolish man who thought banging his head was a necessary part of life, there are thoughts and ideas we have about life which lead us to various conclusions.

 

Perhaps you believe you are stuck in your current job, cannot eat healthily, cannot lose weight, will never have good friends, or get married, or succeed, or any number of things.  Take a step back and look at your thoughts and what they are leading you to do.  I can promise you that your thoughts are going to be what you end up doing.

 

Feel trapped by debt?  Then you are going to have it.  Feel like your job is horrible and you can’t get out of it?  That is what will happen.  Feel overweight and out of shape, and cannot stop thinking about it and your cravings for junk food?  That is what will happen.  You will eat unhealthy foods and wallow in your own self pity.

 

Take time to seek after more

 

Believe it or not, you can break outside the dangerous realms of constriction that hinder positive growth and development.  It’s not a simple process.  But it first begins with taking a step back and saying, “Hey, wait a minute, things don’t have to be this way.  I can start making a change.  And that change starts with me.”  Take the time and positively reinforce yourself.  Seek after productive and uplifting things.

 

I love to eat fruits and vegetables.  I love spinach and salmon.  Apples, organges, and walnuts are my friend.  I love to run and play basketball.  I enjoy being positive and helping other people.  It doesn’t mean life is easy or there aren’t obstacles.  But I know that a proper mindset will steer me in the right direction.

 

I know with a little effort and faith, you can break the mold of monotony and constriction that can sometimes permeate life.  Start with your thoughts and truly examine your beliefs.  Take time to step back and look at your thoughts and actions each day.  I know you can do it!

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As time has gone on and I’ve found myself busy doing other things, I’ve been getting ‘pricked’ inside to write more here on my blog.  I know that there are people out there who get use out of what I say.  I can’t promise entries daily or even weekly.  But I can promise, that when I feel I have something useful to say, that I will get it up for you all to view!

 

With that, the latest topic on my mind is what people spend their time doing, and what you can expect to gain from what you are doing. This is a crucial thing if you are struggling with where you are in life or feel that there is more for you to accomplish.

 

Daily Activities

 

I’ve written before about the activites that each of us take part in during the day.  The general range I see from most people are some of the following (myself included):

• Television
• Video/computer games
• Eating
• Going out with friends
• Working
• Building yourself up
• Creating your legacy

 

From the top of the list, I notice most time gets spent on those activities.  As you go down the list, towards the very bottom, the time spent starts to become very small with most people.  There are a few explanations for this.

 

Watching television is easy!  You just have to sit there and look.  And it’s not that there isn’t quality television on.  In fact, I watched Dr. Wayne Dyer on television the other night.  He is an inspirational speaker.  Indeed, he is what I aspire to be, able to speak in front of large audiences and offer them inspiration and advice to get through life.  He is leaving his legacy in the world, and I am sure that he is at peace with himself, while of course facing trials in life like all of us.

 

Video and computer games are fun!  I like to play them.  I have played World of Warcraft off and on.  It’s a game I enjoy playing with friends and I also like building up my characters.  It doesn’t require significant effort and is easy to do for many hours at a time.

 

Eating isn’t too difficult either.  It’s very easy to go to McDonalds and scarf down burgers and fries.  Or to buy ice cream and eat it in large amounts.  Shoveling food in is quite easy to do and is a cause for the large number of overweight people in our country.  The true discipline comes from eating the healthier foods and training yourself not to ‘shovel it in’.

 

Going out with friends is fun!  I see many young people spending time with their friends, having a good time.  They party, go to fun events, or travel and see different sights.  This is also not a bad thing.  Creating lasting friendships is a positive part of life.  However, look at how much time you spend ‘playing’ and enjoying yourself.  Is it what you are doing with most of your time?  There are other activities, while not as fun, that will help you get ahead in life.

 

Working is a requirement for most of us.  We don’t have millions of dollars and can’t support ourselves without paychecks coming in.  Therefore by obligation we get out of bed and head to our day jobs to make ends meet.  This isn’t a bad thing, however, if working is all you are doing, think of what you are missing out on for yourself.  

 

Better Activities

 

Spending time building yourself up, while not instinctive, is an excellent way to progress in life.  Instead though, our habits are to think about work, when work will be done.  We think about our favorite television programs and when they are on.  We think about playing our video and computer games.  However, mentally building yourself up will allow you to handle the trials in life, and also proactively engage in interests where your talents lie!  I talk about building yourself up on my blog and website.  This is done through exercise, positive self talk, and being around those who truly care about you.

 

What about exercising?  Many shutter at exercising.  Perhaps not knowing how to do it presents a fear.  Maybe it’s just too much work.  I exercise two to three times a week.  I keep in great shape and feel good.  I can’t imagine not exercising.  At the same time, I can see how people have a hard time with it.  It requires time and dedication.  It requires making it a part of your life.  If you are struggling with weight problems, it most definitely will mean discomfort.  That discomfort can be overcome.  Make a choice and decide to walk, run, bike, and lift weights regularly.  Combine this with controlled eating, and you will be amazed at the physical change that takes place!

 

Creating Your Legacy

 

Lastly, we have creating our legacy.  Many of us grew up and possibly still with dreams of becoming something.  I don’t think many of us dreamed while we were kids of sitting in a cubicle all day, coming home and lounging in front of the TV.  Perhaps you wanted to be a singer, dancer, performer, or athlete.  Or maybe you just want to make a difference in the world.

 

I know what a struggle it can be to do things outside of the normal routine in life.  From my family to working a full time job, I feel pretty drained.  But I know that a little discomfort and sacrifice are required to get to where I want to be.  I am writing a book, I am on page 140 now.  It’s taken a lot of sacrifice.  I have my website here at drjerm.com.  It takes time and sacrifice to do it.  But it’s amazing to see the results and satisfaction I get when I look back at what I’m accomplishing.  So too can you feel the same thing!

 

It is difficult.  You may have questions about what to do.  Look inside your heart.  You know what things you enjoy the most.  Don’t be afraid to start switching tv time for creating your legacy time.  It’s the best decision you will ever make!  But don’t become too extreme.  Some leisure time is ok – even necessary.

 

The Results

 

Spend most of your time in leisurely activites, and not refining your skillset, and you can most likely expect to not find better paying jobs.  Spend too much time lounging around and eating more than you should and you can expect to be overweight.  Spend no time on building yourself up, and you can expect to find happiness hard to come by.

 

Spend time exercising and eating properly and you can expect to feel great and have energy.  Spend time around those who are motivated and have good character and truly appreciate you and you can expect a great circle of friends.  Spend time refining your skills and being proactive, and building your confidence, and you can expect upgrades in your work.  Spend time creating your legacy, and you can expect your legacy to unfold to the world!

 

The results follow the effort and what you are doing.  It’s a simple formula.  Stretch yourself a little and experience a little discomfort.  You’ll be glad you did!  I know with effort and faith that you can achieve much in this life!

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I’ve provided some information from other sources labeled as ‘Guest Posts’ and while they do provide information, I realize they do not have the same flare or quality as when I write.  As such, I’ve thought about leadership extensively and would like to expound on it.  Here is a picture of Colonel Robert Gould Shaw.  Shaw is famous for his leading of the 54th Massachusetts, a regiment of African-American soldiers who fought in the Civil War for the Union.

 

The 1989 the movie, ‘Glory’, is an enlightening and inspiring portrayel of Colonel Shaw and his dealings with his men.  Colonel Shaw was the leader of this regiment.  He was in charge.  Watch the movie Glory and see if you can see how Colonel Shaw was a leader.  He did what was right, even if it was unpopular, he was firm, kind when he needed to be, understanding of his weaknesses, and eventually, won the respect of all that were part of the regiment.  Colonel Shaw is a wonderful example of a good leader.  There are many others in history and today that are examples of people with leadership.  There are some main qualities of leadership that I would like to speak on today:

 

Qualities of a good leader

 

A good leader is intelligent, educated, confident, inspiring, selfless, and understanding (among many more other good qualities).  Without these qualities, a person is bereft of the necessary skills which are essential in leading others in an effective manner.

 

Intelligent

 

A good leader must be smart.  They must understand the area in which they are trying to lead.  If owning a business, the leader must be well versed in business operations and able to make intelligent decisions without guessing.  A leader of a basketball team must understand the game of basketball, as well as their own team and the opponents team.  A good leader is able to make sound decisions with positive results.

 

Educated

 

Education is essential for good leadership.  Experience must be part of this education.  If you are working for someone leading a business and they are young, inexperienced, and not quite sure what they are doing, you can bet that they are not cut out to lead that business.  You can tell if someone is educated by asking them questions related to what they are leading.  If they are unable to answer a majority of the questions or even know where to look for the answers, this should tell you that their leadership is questionable in the area they are leading.

 

Confident

 

A good leader is confident in their abilities.  This means the leader is smart and capable.  They may have their doubts like anyone else, but they never let these doubts surface in front of the people they are leading.  They make decisions and stick with them.  A poor leader will be hesitent, and unsure.  Confidence comes from experience, education, and intelligence.  Watch for those who are leading and see how confident they are.

 

Inspiring

 

Being inspiring is crucial for good leadership.  If the people being led do not feel that their leader is worth following, then the leader is next to useless.  Inspiring people can be done in many ways.  A rallying speech, gatherings with those being led where the people’s efforts are rewarded, or other worthwhile events.  Being upfront and honest, but steadfast in goals and objectives is also a way to inspire.  A good leader will spend time with the people he/she is leading.  The leader will ‘be in the trenches’ with those being led.  The people will see this and it is inspiring to see a leader doing the ‘dirty work’ that the followers are doing.

 

Selfless

 

A good leader sacrifices and does more than what is required.  A good leader will spend extra time with those being led making sure they are able to accomplish what it is they are doing in the best possible way.  Larry Bird, a former NBA basketball player was an excellent leader.  He would show up to practice early, leave practice late, and spent much extra time perfecting his game.  Good leaders will be seen often doing this.  If your leaders are never around to be seen, or are not spending the time helping you, you can bet that they are not qualified to lead.

 

Understanding

 

A good leader must understand those being led.  Across the board, people have a multitude of personalities.  A good leader is able to blend these personalities for the best possible result.  Sometimes morale gets low and the leader has to spend time with the people to make sure things are in order.  A good leader knows the personalities of those being led.  The leader can adapt his approach to what people need.  Some people need direct correction and admonishment.  Others require a much more subtle approach.  Good leaders have the power of discernment and are able to handle different types of people.

 

Qualities of followers

 

As a leader has qualities, so does a follower.  When I say follower, what I mean is someone who is not cut out to be a leader.  There are a good many people with wonderful qualities that are excellent followers.  But for purposes of this article, followers are people who are not qualified to lead.  Followers generally do not have the main characteristics required to be a good leader.  They lack in people skills or creativity.  Or they just do not want to shoulder responsibility.

 

Final thoughts

 

Being a good leader requires sacrifice and many good qualities.  Make sure to look for these good qualities in the people who you consider to be leaders.  This can be your teachers, managers, owners of the company you work for, or anyone who is taking a role in leading people.  If you desire to be a leader, first look to refine yourself before you start trying to lead others.

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In the movie trilogy, “The Lord of the Rings” (LOTR), there is a gruesome and pitiful creature known as ‘Smeagol’.  He also goes by the name ‘Gollum’.  A main storyline in LOTR is the sad story of Smeagol and his desperate quest to find the One Ring of Power.

 

Smeagol once possessed this ring and became addicted to the power it brought him.  Having lost the ring before the LOTR series, Smeagol became obsessed in finding it.  Everything he did was based on his need for the ring.  He was addicted to it.  In the end, it was the catalyst for the fate he suffered.

 

There are many things in life that one should never be desperate for. By desperate I mean where your whole purpose for existing revolves around trying to fill the void of desperation you have. There are three desperations in particular that I would like to talk about.

 

Desperate for love

 

Throughout life, I’ve seen the desperation and need for love drive people to do some pretty crazy things.  And this desperation for love has come from people who are single, divorced, married – it does not matter your current relationship status.  It is ok to desire companionship from another person.  But think about how much you are thinking about it.  If all of your actions and time is solely spent on finding love, this should be a warning sign to you that you are way too desperate.

 

Especially if you are married and you find yourself looking to other men/women for love, take a step back.  You are likely not spending nearly the amount of time on your marriage that you should be.  If your marriage is not meant to be, take the steps to end it by communicating with your spouse.  But don’t go waltzing around behind your partners back looking for love and think it’s okay.  If you are not happy, communicate with your partner.

 

If your desire for love from another is the driving force in your life, I encourage you to take a second look at yourself.  I created drjerm.com to help people who struggle and face challenges in life.  This challenge is a big one.  If you take the time to go through my site and start working on creating a better you, you will then start spending less time on finding love and more time on doing the things you are passionate and talented about.  When you are happy, confident, and energetic, you will attract those who are the same.  You will then find the right kind of love, instead of in desperation, taking the first person that pays attention to you and smiles, and annointing that person as your true love.

 

Desperate for money

 

The recent news of mortgage companies facing serious financial troubles raises several issues.  One of the main ones is greed.  It is ok to want to have a lot of money.  But when that desire for money is at the forefront of all your decisions and you have no regard for your friends, co-workers, or family, then you are in serious trouble.  You become a slave to money and the many other areas of life will evade you.  Yes, you may get rich and be well to do with money.  But you will also likely be a chaotic spender of that money and get yourself into serious financial trouble.

 

With no back bone of living sound principals, including finance, even with large sums of money, you can bet that your greed will cause you to spend that money on things you probably don’t need.  And the more you spend, the more money you will want and a vicious spiral will form.  You will have no regard for people.  You will lie to people to get what you want.  Please, I’ve seen what greed for money can do to people.  Don’t let yourself get caught up with money being your primary focus to the point you will become cut throat and betray people.  Manage your money responsibly of course, but don’t let money be your driving force.

 

Desperate for acceptance

 

While growing up and going through schooling, up through high school, I was witness to many people who were desperate to fit in.  This caused them to act in a very irrational way that ended up ostracizing them from people even more.  Some kids in high school wanted to fit in so they got drunk, or smoked weed, or did other harmful drugs.  Or they would go through haneous initiations into groups that left them bruised and battered.  People focused on manipulation of others was common in high school and is indeed prevalent in all age groups.

 

My advice for those of you who are looking for acceptance is to stop trying to get accepted first and foremost and take a step back and examine yourself.  Yes look at yourself, nobody else.  Start spending time working on yourself, what you can do to be a little kinder, less of a back-biter, more of a friend.  Look to help people.  Don’t always ask people what they think of you.  This is a bad sign.  First be accepting of yourself.  When you reach that point, you will no longer need to ask people if you are doing the right thing, look ok, etc…

 

In the end, what matters most is where you are at in life and your acceptance of yourself.  If you are not happy with where you are, make the changes necessary to find happiness.  This involves hard work, kindness, and a slew of other things you can read about on drjerm.com.  I know that if you put time and effort, along with a little faith, into bettering yourself, you will no longer be desperate for anything, and find a true happiness that will transcend this life and carry you forward for the rest of your existence.

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It is with much focus and desire that I write this article. Of all the articles I have written, I believe this to be one of the most important up to this point.  I say this because I’ve seen in the world today a problem that seems to go un-noticed.  It seems to not be talked about very much.  It seems to not have much public attention.  Perhaps with a loud voice and some time I can help bring it to light.

 

I am talking about people and companies and how to tell the legitimacy of them.  This means seeing if the person or the company is really genuine and really has the interest of other people at its heart.  Sadly, my experience with some people and companies has been that the person or the company is solely focused on their own personal and financial gain, and that person or company will say and do anything to get people to side with them.  I consider this a slap in the face and seek to educate people in determining if they should deal with a person or company.

Now I recently posted a blog entry about judging other people and I of course advocate spending much time gathering facts and information before making a decision about a person or company.  However, there are people and companies in my life that I have had bad experiences with – and I’ve spent quite some time around these people and companies.  I now have a list of criteria that must be satisfied before I will do business with a company or another person.  As each of you live each day, in order to achieve true success, being educated about a variety of things is important.  In this case, I seek to save you from making a bad decision with the people and companies you do business with.

 

Online Companies

 

I talked a while back, and with much anger and frustration, about an online company I worked for and helped start.  I can’t believe how angry I was.  But I know there were real and correct reasons for my anger.  I do not seek to slander that company or any other companies.  However, my eyes are opened to some not so honest practices that companies seem to be using to get customers to purchase their products.  This is the first thing I would like to focus on.

 

The first thing to check on an online website is not for how cool or professional the website looks.  I have a background in website development.  I know what it takes to get a website to look cutting edge and professional.  The reality is, you can pay a graphic designer a few hundred dollars, or find a website template already made and pay someone to make a few changes.  The cost is not very much to develop a professional looking website.  Getting it online is even cheaper.  Now, there is nothing wrong with a professional looking website.  However, there are several key things that must be found on the website, or there is a good chance that the website is not telling you the whole truth, but instead just trying to get you excited so you will spend a lot of money.

 

Super Long Page of Information

 

When a web page goes on and on and on about how much money people are making and shows yellow and red highlights on text and the page just keeps scrolling down and down, you can bet that the page is trying to get you hooked and in a state where you believe that you must further investigate what’s on the page and buy it.  All I can say is, be very cautious of web pages that scroll down and down with hype, ‘testimonials’ of ‘real’ people who’ve made x amount of dollars.  Don’t be fooled, be smart and stay away :)

 

Detailed About Us Page

 

A website can state that it was created by experienced professionals with many years experience in whatever they feel like saying they have experience in.  This does nothing.  My 16 month old daughter can almost type that on the computer.  Don’t believe everything you read, in fact, always question what you read first.  In this case, companies that don’t descriptively say who their owners are, or top management are, are hiding something.  The company must do much more than mention names.  They must show profile pictures, and a few paragraphs at least on the top tier people explaining who they are and why they are qualified to be owners for that company.  Even then, make an educated decision.  It takes just minutes to type up a web page of lies.  If detailed about us nformation is not present, question the company you are doing business with.

 

Also, someone who is not willing to share details about themself, and what makes them who they are may be covering something up.  Look for people to show evidence of what makes them qualified for what they are doing.  If this evidence is not readily apparent, you can bet you are dealing with someone who is just looking to benefit while they themself aren’t providing much of value.

 

Upfront and Honest About Prices

 

Some companies like to cover up their prices with information that tries to get you excited.  There is nothing wrong with getting a potential customer excited.  But if this is done to try and ‘hide’ the cost of the product, you can bet the company is one you don’t want to deal with.  A company should very clearly and in detail explain what the prices of their products are.  And this should be explained on the home page, or on a products page.  If the information is not available or apparent upon visiting the website, you can bet that the company is likely not offering something of value and you should stay away.

 

Clear Description of Product/Service

 

A company should be very clear what they are offering.  On the home page or a products page, the exact details of their products should be shown.  Not only that, a clear description of the costs associated with those products should be shown, along with the terms of the cost.  Is it upfront, monthly, yearly, etc…  The company should also very clearly be able to explain why their product is of value.  And this shouldn’t be explained with rhetoric to try and get you excited.  It should be simple and plain and understandable, backed up with facts and evidence from reliable sources.

 

Be cautious of vague details.  Be cautious of promises that the companies product will make you thousands of dollars.  Vague promises should be a warning sign to you that the company is not offering something of real value.

 

Free Demo

 

A company offering a product/service – especially a service, should provide the means to see the product/service in action via a free demo section of the website.  A customer should be able to evaluate the product, try it out, and then be able to make a decision from there if they are interested.  Companies who do not provide this service, and make promises that they can’t keep or are not true, can easily be spotted by the covering up of their products with rhetoric and talk of excitement, without the ability to try hands on.

 

Clear Detail and Not Vague

 

When speaking about a product with a company, if you ask the cost of the product and they do not immediately tell you what the cost is, you can be assured that they are using a trained sales tactic.  They will likely move immediately onto something like how much is something similar but more expensive worth.  Companies who sell internet, real estate, and other 1 on 1 coaching services may call your many thousands of dollars you will be asked to spend a ‘tuition’.  Don’t be fooled.  The information they are giving you is not worth thousands of dollars.  See through the smoke of these kinds of companies.

 

Above all, educate yourself.  Never do business or have a relationship with someone who is hazy and not clear/upfront in what they are saying.  Avoid people who continuously make promises, but fail to deliver.  These kinds of people and companies are just trying to get what they want for their own gain.  The key is to evaluate people and companies, see if what they are saying is understandable, and see if there is anything unclear about them.  If there is, this is a sign that potentially something is wrong.

 

The Legitimacy of People

 

A final note about people.  Good, honest people will rarely ask you for anything.  Those who ask you for something and say you will benefit are likely just wanting something themselves and see that you can help.  Good people will welcome your help and participation and be realistic about the promises they make.  Be very cautious about promises from people that if you help them, you will make a lot of money, when the person making the promise is un-educated, and not skilled in what they are trying to make happen.  You can be assured that those who really care about you will talk to you while not always asking something from you.  I’ve experienced in my life, believing that things would work out with a business partner when in reality, the whole time, that person wasn’t really concerned with my benefit.

 

I know that with effort and faith, you will educate yourself, and avoid some of the mistakes that happen when dealing with companies who are not upfront and honest.  You will also be guarded against people who will attempt to use you for their own agenda.  Armed with this knowledge, you will further be on the path to discover your destiny and create your legacy!

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There have been disputes about any number of things since recorded history. In the world today, one way to settle disputes is with a judge. Judges provide a mechanism for interpreting and understanding events. In addition, a jury of individual people makes a decision on whether a person is innocent or guilty in a case where that person has been accused of doing something wrong or harmful that possibly warrants reciprocity.  Let’s call this scenario a ‘judgement’, a situation where someone has one or more people draw a conclusion about someone, based on evidence presented by multiple persons.

 

I had the opportunity to hear an individual speak a little bit about judging a couple weeks ago on Sunday.  I was so impressed by what this person had to say and would like to relay a little bit of what they had to offer, as well as some insights of my own.  The end result, I hope will be each of you reading taking a step back and at least giving consideration to the words you read, which relate to judging people.  I would like to talk about our own spheres of life we live in, the spheres of life of others, the intersecting of those spheres, and the importance of understanding our own lack of knowledge.

 

Our Own Spheres of Life

 

First and foremost, I am not the expert on judging.  It is something I have to work on each and every day.  But the insights I have to share on it I believe are worth looking into.  I hope you will read, give consideration, and apply what I have to say about judging people.

 

Each of us individually have lived up to a certain point in our lives.  We have experienced events, come in contact with other people, and formulated our own idea of what existence really is.  We may even be so sure of ourselves that we start to get over-confident.  Perhaps we find faults with people whose view of existence does not match what we have.  I can say for myself that a weakness I have had to overcome was seeing people who did not match my idea of existence and drawing conclusions about those people that I had no business doing.

 

Let’s take a circle and put each of us in that circle.  That circle represents the accumulation of our life experiences and our view of what reality is.  Take a moment and think about what your view of life is.  What do you think about religion, science, sports, politics, money, the environment, health, food, and so on?  Really think about what your view of existence really is.  This is only part of it.  To really understand your views, you have to come in contact with people who don’t have the same views as you.  These people should immediately stand out to you and you can recognize the difference right away.

 

The Spheres of Life of Others

 

Guess what?  Other people have lived up to a certain point in their lives too.  They too have a certain picture of what existence is.  They have their own ideas about a lot of the things you have ideas about.  Chances are, not all of their ideas are going to be the same as yours.  Picture everyone you meet with a sphere surrounding them.  Try to understand that each and every person has life experiences that have molded them into the person they are.  When this is done, understanding people becomes easier.

 

To know the sphere of life of another individual takes time and spending time with that person.  If you truly want to get to know someone, talk about their life experiences and the things they are interested in.  By understanding the nature of someone, it becomes easier to see why they do the things they do.  Can’t understand why someone is spending so much time at work?  Maybe that person had to work when they were young to help support the family.  Maybe they have an idea that working extra hard is necessary.  Don’t be so quick to formulate a negative opinion about people just because their behavior seems to be out of your sphere of reasonability.

 

The Intersecting of Spheres of Life

 

Many of the problems in the world today stem from the intersecting of spheres of life of individuals and the lack of understanding and cooperation therein.  These problems stem from minor conflicts, to full scale wars in the world today.  I am convinced that one of the problems is a jumping to conclusions about someone before getting all the facts straight.  There are plenty of people placing blame and backbiting that it really takes someone doing a full investigation over a lengthy period of time before an even close to accurate decision can be made.  Let me give a list of things to help iterate this:

 

• Just because someone says something that rubs you the wrong way does not mean that person is intentionally trying to make you mad.
• Because someone does not talk to you does not necessarily mean they don’t like you.
• If you are angry, it does not mean that your anger is a correct response.
• There is almost always a reason that someone does something, even if that reason is hidden to you.
• Each and every person is growing and learning through life.  People will make mistakes, yourself included.

 

Take a minute and digest what these points are saying.  The end result is that if we really understand that the world if a large place filled with people of different types, then we can safely say that nothing is ever as simple as saying that someone is who you think they appear to be.  By taking time to gather true evidence, show a little kindness to people, you will help bring out the best in people and make the world a better place.

 

Understanding Our Own Lack of Knowledge

 

If we took the billions of people and looked at them, each with their own spheres, then the realization is one of many different views on life.  And even the combining of everyone’s spheres of life here on earth, that total knowledge of exact existence and correctness of all events is still relatively small.  With that realization, an approach of first, I do not have all knowledge and power, therefore, I must leave room for error on my part.  And second, I must take time to gather knowledge and evidence, and if I must form a conclusion, do it with as much love and kindness as possible.  I believe that most people here on earth are good people that just make mistakes.

 

I would suggest a kindness approach.  When you look at people and realize they are just trying to understand and get through life just like you, then you can be much more accepting of them.  Even if you think someone has made a mistake, that does not mean you are correct in that they made a mistake.  It is just your interpretation of their behavior.  Show some love and kindess and help build other people up.  You will find a lot of tension going out the window and situations becoming better.

 

I hope I’ve been able to offer some insight into juding others.  If nothing else, adopt a kindness and understanding approach before even gathering evidence to draw a conclusion about another individual.  By doing this, I know you will become wiser and have a happier life.

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Every so often in the news, you hear about the winner of some gigantic lottery. This person won $20,000,000 in the multi mega millions lottery sweep stakes. Their life is forever changed and they never have to be concerned about money anymore. Actually, they now have to be very concerned about money and if they do not, disaster, bankruptcy, and running from creditors will be the next step.  Guessing about anything, particularly money, is generally not a good idea.

 

Or there is the night before a school exam.  You haven’t studied and you cram for an hour.  You also cram for a few minutes before the test.  When you get your test, it is the equivalent of you being placed in front of stone tablets with egyptian hieroglyphics written and you are being asked to translate.  In this case you could say, “The tablets say the cows ate up all the nachos and boy did they taste good.”  You could also say, “The tablets say that the Egyptians were an ancient people and had tombs with mummies in them and they built the pyramids.”  The second is more of an educated guess, but in realtiy, in both cases, you are really talking out of your you know what.  You are guessing in all its glory.  You do not have knowledge of what exactly is needed.

Ok, so what’s the problem with guessing?

 

In most cases, guessing is not the most efficient way to approach a situation.  It leaves things to chance and luck, usually with very low chances of success.  Ever taken a test that you didn’t study for and you didn’t know much about?  Chances are you got a very low grade.  Yes, there are some geniuses who can probably wing it and ace the test anyways, but these are geniuses, half of a half of a percent.

 

It is much easier to guess at something right away without doing any research or studying on it.  But in the end, all you have really done is just sloppily eliminated one wrong way of doing something.  I have heard many people give the example of approaches to doing something as it relates to ‘ready-aim-fire’.  I will use this example.  I like it and I think it fits.

 

Imagine you are holding a sniper rifle like the marine in this picture. And you have to hit many targets with this weapon and hit them dead on – or your mission will not be complete. You also have a limited number of shots and a limited amount of time.  Now think for a moment what would happen if this marine decided to just stand up, start pointing his weapon around, and firing at random, hoping he hits his targets?

 

There’s a good chance he would be out of ammunition (the stuff that his rifle shoots), and have missed his mark on most, if not all, his targets.  Not only that, there is a chance that he could hurt anyone that is around him because of the danger his guessing with this weapon is causing.  He may not even realize he has hurt those people either because of the long range of his weapon.  He was just hoping that he hit all his targets and meant no harm to any people that were around.

That’s right, he was just hoping he hit his targets and didn’t really realize he could potentially hurt other people.  This is one scenario that could happen.  And it is an all too common scenario in our lives today.  The abundance of guessing and not having a sure knowledge leave our lives to random chance.  This is a scary thing!  Let’s look at some theoretical examples to illustrate this point.

 

•  I’d like to start a business and become a millionaire.  I’ll just get an equity loan on my house, a small business loan, max out my credit cards, and hire a bunch of people.  Maybe this will work out for me.
• Gosh, I’d like to lose weight.  There’s good foods out there, but I can’t really be bothered to eat them.  Besides, I don’t know how to cook and I don’t know what the best foods for me are or how much to eat or where to buy them.
• I’m so excited to get married soon.  Me and my wife are going to have a wonderful marriage.  We’re going to have kids and live happily ever after.
• I just can’t find love.  Everybody I get involved with is a jerk.  What is wrong with me?
• I just don’t feel good.  I’m tired, feel sick all the time, and am not happy, what do I do?

 

These (and many more are situations in life) are often handled by taking the approach that our marine friend here could take.  And that is to just fire randomly and hope for the best.  In the end, the likely outcome is to be worse off than before and have made no real progress.

 

The disaster of guessing is realized usually after an unwanted conclusion of what is trying to be figured out.  This conclusion may be a business that has failed or is on the brink of failing.  It may be being overweight to the point of being uncomfortable.  It may be after being married for a long time realizing that you aren’t compatible with your spouse or that marriage is not for you.  Perhaps it is seeing countless failed relationships in your life and wondering what is wrong.  Or you may feel sick all the time and generally just not be happy.

 

Regardless of what it is, it must be realized that the majority of us have people in our lives that are close to us, are our friends, or are people that rely on us for things (such as a job or being provided food and shelter).  Be very careful about simply guessing and hoping things work out.  Take into careful consideration all the angles you are affecting with your decisions.  By doing this, you will avoid conflict and unpleasent circumstances.

 

The general point here is that the general way to go through life seems to be a pattern of just getting by and seeing what happens.  I believe the truly successful people don’t do very much guessing.  Sure there may be some trial and error.  But I believe that the great leaders and the people who are really successful in this world, those are the people who are taking a different approach.  They are realizing truths, getting educated, increasing in intelligence, and make decisions with sound evidence and support.  It is this which I would like to talk about now.

 

Our marine friend, with the sniper rifle in hand, can take a different approach to hitting his targets.  He can get into a comfortable firing position.  He can get his balance and focus his eye into his gun scope.  He can be very observant of his environment and any sign of moving targets or targets that are fake.  He can observe where other people are so as not to potentially injure them while shooting.  He can take many different precautions.

 

As he trains and takes all these precautions, his awareness will allow him to have a much better chance of hitting his targets.  Sure, he may not hit any of his targets still.  He may only hit a few.  But he has a better chance to hit at least some, if not all of them by taking the necessary steps to prepare and educate himself.  Making the decision after having control over himself and his environment will give him focus and increase the odds of success.

 

What We Can All Do

 

To reduce guessing, there are many things that can be done.  All guessing eliminators require work.  You cannot sit on your hands watching TV all day, or playing video games all day and expect that you are going to have success in your endeavors (unless you are a video game tester or some profession like that).  This is the hard part.  Even I struggle with it.  I mean, who wants to spend their free time reading, learning, and finding out what other people are doing?  Well, for true success and guess elimination, this is what is required.  The guessing eliminators are:

 

• Increasing education through study of online material, the best books, meaningful collaboration with others, and the observance of other people.
• Maintaining health through proper eating, exercise, rest, and the study of what is good for our bodies and what is not.
• Quiet and peaceful meditation in order to orient what our goals and dreams are.  Careful thought on adapting to situations.

 

These three things are very powerful.  Are they easy to do?  No they are not.  Like I said, I struggle with them just like I’m sure the majority of you struggle with them.  But I know what they are and I take time to do them.  There is no simple quick fix to guesing in our lives.  Each problem has a solution.  But that solution is a whole of things that must be done.  Drjerm exists to provide the whole puzzle that must be put together before challenges can really start being overcome.

 

By educationg yourself, maintaining good health, and constantly meditating and seeking to understand yourself, others, and your path in life, you will begin to see things otherwise hidden.  You will begin to see solutions to problems.  I am doing my blog and website here at Drjerm.  I face challenges with doing it.  I started off by guessing.  But I’ve realized that this isn’t going to work too well.  Now I have a different approach.  The material I create I realize is for people looking for answers in life.  Anything I create is something I believe is a direct answer to questions people are having.

 

Do I still have things to figure out.  Of course!  I am still working on the whole getting visitors to my website and increasing traffic thing.  I find many website owners struggling with this.  My website gets about 15 visitors a day right now.  I would love to increase this to 100 or 500 or more!  To do this, I am coming up with ideas such as business cards I can leave with people, word of mouth through my family and friends, and increasing the quality of material on my website and blog.

 

Does this mean I will succeed?  I believe it does and that eventually I will have a heavily trafficed website and blog.  But it may take a long while and much more education for myself.  I may not see success for some time.  But I believe I am on the right track.  I’ve learned being upfront and honest about yourself is important and I’ve done that.  Doing Google videos is important and I am doing that.  I figured out how to sign up for Google Adsense and I am doing that.  I signed up as an Amazon affiliate and I have relevant products on my site now.  Slowly over time as I discover more resources, I will have more that I can do, and eventually, I will hit that ‘sweet spot’ where things just start rolling.

 

The main thing is if you do not know something, find out what other people have to say about it.  Draw your own conclusions about whether you think what was said is worthwhile.  Make decisions based on evidence where possible.  I know that with effort and faith, that you can avoid guessing and start making powerful decisions!

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