I recently had an experience where I realized that I had unintentionally upset someone.  I’ve seen this type of situation happen with many people, including myself as I have my own imperfections and weaknesses, and now having it happen to me I would like to share some insight that will hopefully benefit any of you who are going through this.

 

Get the Facts

 

The first thing you should do is get the facts.  In my case, something was relayed that I supposedly said.  Whether or not I actually said what was relayed is unknown to me.  I just don’t remember.  But I do know that I would never say anything to intentionally frustrate or upset anyone as it is not in my nature.  And I believe this to be true for many of you reading as well, so be sure to relax and accept that sometimes people are just going to be upset.

 

In the case of what happened here, this person was told that I said he was doing a pyramid/ponzi scheme with his business.  Knowing me, I would not seriously say this unless I legitimately believe it, and I don’t believe it about this individual.  Perhaps I may have joked about it, or may have said it was structured like a pyramid.

 

Show Compassion

 

In my case, I apologized to the person who was upset saying that if I indeed said what he said I said, then I meant no harm and was sorry if any harm came from it.  That’s about as much as you can do.  After that, you’ve said your apologies and should move on.  In my case, I think the person will be upset for a little while, but that is their decision.  Still, at the same time, be compassionate and willing to say you are sorry, even if you don’t believe you did what you are being accused of.  It’s the sensible thing to do.

 

Move On

 

Lastly, life is too short and precious to hold grudges and get involved with drama-like events.  Even if you feel bad inside, and you’ve already apologized, move on.  It doesn’t do any good to worry about situations where you’ve upset someone, in most cases.  Continue to do your best each day.  Recognize your own imperfections and others as well, but focus on your strengths.  I know that you can better deal with other people if you follow this simple advice!

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Regret can consume you if you let it.  I know from experience.  I am sure that every person alive has many things in their past that they can dwell on and feel guilty or sorry about.  Perhaps you wish you would have done better in school, or even attended school.  Maybe your frustrated with a few bad relationships that never worked out.  Or maybe you look back on the years of your life and wonder what it is all for, and consider all the time wasted.  Let’s take a moment and read about the man who regretted everything.

 

There was a man, when born regretted leaving his mother’s womb and entering the world.  The womb was cosy, he wanted to go back.

 

When in pre-school, he regretted growing up and wanted to be a baby again, so he could be fed and cuddled all the time.

 

When in elementary school, wished he could go back to pre school.  There were half days and life was easy.  Now a full day of school was too much.

 

As high school rolled around, he wished he could go back to elementary school.  Life was simple then and girls were never an issue.  Homework was easier.

 

As the college years rolled by, he longed for high school.  He missed his friends and wanted to enjoy the easy life of living with his parents.

 

As his career began, and he began to age, he wished he could be in college again.  A few more parties would make him happy again.

 

Upon reaching middle age, the man longed for his younger years working.  He didn’t feel as much pain and had more energy.

 

The end of his life approaching, the man looked back at his life.  He wondered how his life was coming to an end so quickly.  He wished that he could start over again.

 

Live in the moment

 

Like this man, we too may often dwell on the past and long for things that once were.  Beware this fools gold.  Our lives are what we make of them.  Choose to enjoy what is happening this very moment and you will never want for the past.  You will look on the past with fond memories instead.  Live every moment to its fullest, and I can promise you that regret will be hard to come by.

 

Handling Regrets

 

I have many things in my past that I could regret.  Some are embarassing, others silly.  Let me share several of these with you, and I do so with a knowledge that some may make me appear foolish or silly.  I am fine with this as I have learned to live with my past.  I will explain how I accept each of these now and with that and a drum roll, here are some of the things I used to regret, but now which I have learned to live with.

 

• Growing up, I was very shy.  Because of this, there were girls I could have gotten to know and increase my socializing skills with.  Because of this, I have had to work hard learning how to handle social situations.

 

I acknowledge and accept that I was once a shy person with little confidence.  Perhaps it robbed me of some experiences that would have been useful, but it was who I was.  I accept that, and all the good and bad that it created.

 

• I played basketball in high school, but never feel I really achieved my potential.  I always felt like something was wrong with me.

 

There is nothing wrong with me.  I am a talented basketball player.  Perhaps my role on the team wasn’t the best it could have been, or other factors contributed.  I used to think of these things.  Now I accept the outcome of my high school basketball career and have since moved on, and enjoy whenever I can play.

 

• I’ve been a little too pushy and over-protective with people in my past, and even recent past.  Perhaps I will have the fortune that one of those people will read this blog entry.  They will know who they are.  I pried and kept tabs on certain people which I will keep anonymous.  I even had the nerve to park my car after one finished a late night date to make sure they got home on time.  My decision making with these people was not the best it could have been and I pushed them away because of it.

 

I no longer worry about how I was too over-protective and the way I was too pushy.  I realized that I just cared and handled it in the wrong way.  I have since changed to a stance where I believe people will blossom and grown and learn, while trying to provide help from afar in the best way I know how.  I know that I am not perfect, but I am able to look back and accept both the harm and good that resulted from my being over-protective, and am happy with my change since then.

 

• I helped start a business with someone, and eventually was hired as a full time employee for a company they created.  Things did not work out at all and the result was a big strain on my life.

 

Several of my past blog entries cover in detail this situation, and my frustration and anger at the time is very evident.  In the past, I had anger, frustration, and revenge on my mind.  I felt betrayed.  There are times where I’ve acted out of anger and frustration towards business partners, in a couple different situations, and though I am sorry for it, I now accept my actions for who I was back then. As time has gone on and a little wisdom prevailed, I no longer feel any regret for this.  They are learning situations.  Whatever the reasons for it not working out, I accept, and have since moved on to furthering drjerm, writing a book, and other exciting things.

 

I know with a little effort and faith, that you can destroy your regrets.  You will no longer have them as you accept them and take the learning experiences and add them to your growth in life.

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I had my first MRI (Magnetic resonance imaging) yesterday morning. It was an interesting and challenging experience, so much that I wanted to offer some helpful advice to others who are having it done.   As you can see from the picture, which is called a closed MRI, the person is placed in a machine, where their head, neck, or spinal area is going to get scanned. The machine surrounds most of your body, except your legs.  In my MRI, I was actually moved a little further in the machine, such that only part of my legs were out of the machine.

 

Why an MRI

 

I’ve had some problem with vertigo, headaches, and dizziness in the last few months. In the past few weeks this has lessened, but since no cause has been able to be found from doctor’s, it was suggested that I get an MRI scan of my brain (the tests are already done and thankfully nothing was shown to be wrong). The MRI is for anyone needing a more detailed scan of the body and neurological systems.

 

What Happens During an MRI?

 

There are two different kinds of MRI’s that I know of: closed and open.  It seems that closed MRI’s are more common.  In this kind of MRI, you are placed on a platform that slides you inside a ‘tube’.  Your body is covered and the quarters are very tight.  An open MRI looks like this:

As you can see, the space is more open, and if I had to do it again, I’d want an ‘Open MRI’.

 

But I want to talk about my closed MRI and what happened to me, so that you may be guided as you prepare and experience your MRI.  I got to the doctor’s office, signed in, got paged by the doctor, went to a dressing room (I was able to keep my clothes that I had, warm up pants and a regular shirt), and finally to the MRI room.  There is a platform and a large machine.  I didn’t think too much of it until the doctor told me to lay down on the platform.  I was given ear plugs and he said some things to me about it, and to breathe and try to remain calm.

 

Eventually, my ear plugs were in and in went the platform.  Once all the way in, this is where the shock set in.  I opened my eyes and I literally wasn’t able to move much at all.  I could move my arms slightly, and there was probably six inches from my body to the ceiling of the tube I was in.  My head had a device placed over it to help with keeping it still, so my head was pretty much stuck where it was.  My heart beat fast, and my breathing increased heavily.  I had to meditate and do it fast.  Being in such tight quarters really triggered a panic response from me.  But I believe this was from not knowing what to expect going in.

 

I was able to calm myself down through intense conecntration and recalling memories of happiness and focusing on my determination and willpower.  But it was not an easy experience by any means.

 

What You can Do

 

I believe if you follow this list of advice, that even a closed MRI experience can be tolerable, and you should do them if you are having anxious feelings, or even if you aren’t anxious, but just looking for adivce:

 

• Relax and forget about any problems you are having.
• Have a close friend come with you to pat you on the leg while the MRI is going on.
• Keep your eyes closed when you can.  I actually had to open my eyes for about a minute as I got a little dizzy during part of the scanning, and was more dizzy with my eyes closed.
• Even with ear plugs, be prepared for loud noise inside the machine.  Expect it and embrace it.
• Take a sedative (relaxation medicine).  You can ask the doctor about this.  Anything to help you relax will be helpful.
• Ask the doctor or your close friend to talk to you while the MRI is going on.  Have them speak words of encouragement, or just carry on a conversation.  With ear plugs in, they will need to speak a little louder than normal.
• Make sure you have gone to the bathroom.
• While in the machine, keep still and relaxed.  Close your eyes and picture yourself in a happy place.  This may be on the beach, on the basketball court, or playing with your children.
• Above all, keep positive thoughts in your head.  Breathe deeply and dispel any fear that tries to enter you.  It is possible to sit still and relax, even in a  tight quartered tube.
• When the MRI is done, pat yourself on the back.  You just conquered a challenge and you should reward yourself with a cool drink, lunch with a friend, or a nap!

 

I hope that some of this advice will help those who are having an MRI, or looking to relate to someone who just had a difficult MRI.  When my MRI was done, after 25 minutes, I was very happy about getting out.  I realized my preparation was not very good for the experience, and if I ever have to do it again, I am now armed with much more knowledge, which will better the experience!

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It is with much focus and desire that I write this article. Of all the articles I have written, I believe this to be one of the most important up to this point.  I say this because I’ve seen in the world today a problem that seems to go un-noticed.  It seems to not be talked about very much.  It seems to not have much public attention.  Perhaps with a loud voice and some time I can help bring it to light.

 

I am talking about people and companies and how to tell the legitimacy of them.  This means seeing if the person or the company is really genuine and really has the interest of other people at its heart.  Sadly, my experience with some people and companies has been that the person or the company is solely focused on their own personal and financial gain, and that person or company will say and do anything to get people to side with them.  I consider this a slap in the face and seek to educate people in determining if they should deal with a person or company.

Now I recently posted a blog entry about judging other people and I of course advocate spending much time gathering facts and information before making a decision about a person or company.  However, there are people and companies in my life that I have had bad experiences with – and I’ve spent quite some time around these people and companies.  I now have a list of criteria that must be satisfied before I will do business with a company or another person.  As each of you live each day, in order to achieve true success, being educated about a variety of things is important.  In this case, I seek to save you from making a bad decision with the people and companies you do business with.

 

Online Companies

 

I talked a while back, and with much anger and frustration, about an online company I worked for and helped start.  I can’t believe how angry I was.  But I know there were real and correct reasons for my anger.  I do not seek to slander that company or any other companies.  However, my eyes are opened to some not so honest practices that companies seem to be using to get customers to purchase their products.  This is the first thing I would like to focus on.

 

The first thing to check on an online website is not for how cool or professional the website looks.  I have a background in website development.  I know what it takes to get a website to look cutting edge and professional.  The reality is, you can pay a graphic designer a few hundred dollars, or find a website template already made and pay someone to make a few changes.  The cost is not very much to develop a professional looking website.  Getting it online is even cheaper.  Now, there is nothing wrong with a professional looking website.  However, there are several key things that must be found on the website, or there is a good chance that the website is not telling you the whole truth, but instead just trying to get you excited so you will spend a lot of money.

 

Super Long Page of Information

 

When a web page goes on and on and on about how much money people are making and shows yellow and red highlights on text and the page just keeps scrolling down and down, you can bet that the page is trying to get you hooked and in a state where you believe that you must further investigate what’s on the page and buy it.  All I can say is, be very cautious of web pages that scroll down and down with hype, ‘testimonials’ of ‘real’ people who’ve made x amount of dollars.  Don’t be fooled, be smart and stay away :)

 

Detailed About Us Page

 

A website can state that it was created by experienced professionals with many years experience in whatever they feel like saying they have experience in.  This does nothing.  My 16 month old daughter can almost type that on the computer.  Don’t believe everything you read, in fact, always question what you read first.  In this case, companies that don’t descriptively say who their owners are, or top management are, are hiding something.  The company must do much more than mention names.  They must show profile pictures, and a few paragraphs at least on the top tier people explaining who they are and why they are qualified to be owners for that company.  Even then, make an educated decision.  It takes just minutes to type up a web page of lies.  If detailed about us nformation is not present, question the company you are doing business with.

 

Also, someone who is not willing to share details about themself, and what makes them who they are may be covering something up.  Look for people to show evidence of what makes them qualified for what they are doing.  If this evidence is not readily apparent, you can bet you are dealing with someone who is just looking to benefit while they themself aren’t providing much of value.

 

Upfront and Honest About Prices

 

Some companies like to cover up their prices with information that tries to get you excited.  There is nothing wrong with getting a potential customer excited.  But if this is done to try and ‘hide’ the cost of the product, you can bet the company is one you don’t want to deal with.  A company should very clearly and in detail explain what the prices of their products are.  And this should be explained on the home page, or on a products page.  If the information is not available or apparent upon visiting the website, you can bet that the company is likely not offering something of value and you should stay away.

 

Clear Description of Product/Service

 

A company should be very clear what they are offering.  On the home page or a products page, the exact details of their products should be shown.  Not only that, a clear description of the costs associated with those products should be shown, along with the terms of the cost.  Is it upfront, monthly, yearly, etc…  The company should also very clearly be able to explain why their product is of value.  And this shouldn’t be explained with rhetoric to try and get you excited.  It should be simple and plain and understandable, backed up with facts and evidence from reliable sources.

 

Be cautious of vague details.  Be cautious of promises that the companies product will make you thousands of dollars.  Vague promises should be a warning sign to you that the company is not offering something of real value.

 

Free Demo

 

A company offering a product/service – especially a service, should provide the means to see the product/service in action via a free demo section of the website.  A customer should be able to evaluate the product, try it out, and then be able to make a decision from there if they are interested.  Companies who do not provide this service, and make promises that they can’t keep or are not true, can easily be spotted by the covering up of their products with rhetoric and talk of excitement, without the ability to try hands on.

 

Clear Detail and Not Vague

 

When speaking about a product with a company, if you ask the cost of the product and they do not immediately tell you what the cost is, you can be assured that they are using a trained sales tactic.  They will likely move immediately onto something like how much is something similar but more expensive worth.  Companies who sell internet, real estate, and other 1 on 1 coaching services may call your many thousands of dollars you will be asked to spend a ‘tuition’.  Don’t be fooled.  The information they are giving you is not worth thousands of dollars.  See through the smoke of these kinds of companies.

 

Above all, educate yourself.  Never do business or have a relationship with someone who is hazy and not clear/upfront in what they are saying.  Avoid people who continuously make promises, but fail to deliver.  These kinds of people and companies are just trying to get what they want for their own gain.  The key is to evaluate people and companies, see if what they are saying is understandable, and see if there is anything unclear about them.  If there is, this is a sign that potentially something is wrong.

 

The Legitimacy of People

 

A final note about people.  Good, honest people will rarely ask you for anything.  Those who ask you for something and say you will benefit are likely just wanting something themselves and see that you can help.  Good people will welcome your help and participation and be realistic about the promises they make.  Be very cautious about promises from people that if you help them, you will make a lot of money, when the person making the promise is un-educated, and not skilled in what they are trying to make happen.  You can be assured that those who really care about you will talk to you while not always asking something from you.  I’ve experienced in my life, believing that things would work out with a business partner when in reality, the whole time, that person wasn’t really concerned with my benefit.

 

I know that with effort and faith, you will educate yourself, and avoid some of the mistakes that happen when dealing with companies who are not upfront and honest.  You will also be guarded against people who will attempt to use you for their own agenda.  Armed with this knowledge, you will further be on the path to discover your destiny and create your legacy!

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The olympics have recently finished and I’ve been following the United States men’s basketball team for the last few years. The team won the gold medal in the Olympics this year (2008) by beating Spain.  The team has done pretty well with a couple challenges in the past. Being a basketball fan, there is much interest for me in this team – they are a team of all NBA basketball players. I would like to share some things about this team that I believe are of note and may possibly be of benefit to those reading.

 

A Little History

 

Back in 1992, the Olympics began to allow NBA players to play.  This led to the U.S. easily capturing the gold medal that year.  In 1996 the same thing happened.  In 2000, the U.S. did pretty well, but had some close calls.  They only beat Lithuania by 2 points, but won the gold medal again beating France.  In 2002, the U.S. began losing basketball games in international competition.  In 2004, the U.S. won the bronze medal in the Olympics after losing to Argentina in the semi-finals (final four teams).  The U.S. team faced much scrutiny with losing in international competition and some would say that the loosely throwing a team together of ‘NBA stars’ was no longer working.

 

2006 – 2008

 

One thing I really like is that the coach of Duke University, Mike Krzyzewski, was put in place to lead the U.S. team.  If you do not know who this man is, please read about him here.  He is an amazing man and a terrific basketball coach.  Not only that, a team was put together with some NBA stars, and other players who filled specific roles like shooting specialists.  I believe in 2006, that a team chemistry began that started to propel the U.S. forward.  Even though the U.S. lost to Greece in the 2006 world championships (their only loss), I could tell that things were turning around.

 

Hard Work, Dedication, and Lessons Learned

 

You can find a series of videos entitled, ‘Road to Redemption’ about the U.S. basketball team here.  I recommend watching all of them, they are very interesting.  The things that stand out to me are the immense amount of time that the team is spending preparing for the Olympics.  And the Oympics were just a month long or so.  The players on the team all make millions of dollars and have more money than most of us could ever dream of.  It would be very easy for them to not want to participate in the Olympics.  Just by watching the videos, you can see the tremendous effort that the team, coaches, and other managers are putting in.  How many of us, if we had millions of dollars, would still be working this hard?

 

I believe the U.S. learned some valuable lessons from losing in international competition for basketball.  They realized that being complacent and not giving maximum effort will not yield the best results.  They are realizing that hard work and dedication pays off.  These are lessons that we can all learn from.  Are you frustrated that things are not happening in your life?  Start by getting dedicated and putting in hard work.  See if things don’t start turning around eventually.

 

This journey of the U.S. basketball team has influenced my life.  I truly am amazed by their hard work and dedication, and it is an example to me for what I should be doing in my life.  Though I may never meet any of the players on the U.S. team, they have inspired me and are an example that helps me in my life.

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A very interesting thing happened to my blog yesterday.  I notice that my traffic shot up like a rocket.  I’ve since been trying to see why this was and it is because of Oprah Winfrey.  Yesterday (7/1/2008), Oprah aired a rerun episode with Yvette Cade in it.  I wrote an article about Yvette Cade a while back and that article brought in over 150 visitors alone on Google.

 

So first and foremost, thanks Oprah for the extra traffic to my blog.  I hope the readers of my blog are able to get the information they need and also find other interesting information to read about.  You can click on the categories on the left to see my blog entries.  Or search in the box at the top left.  For those of you wanting to find the story of Yvette Cade on Oprah, you can use the link here.

 

This got me thinking about the power day time television really has, particularly Oprah Winfrey and Tyra Banks.  A light bulb went off in my head.  How about expounding on topics that popular talk show hosts talk about and linking to their information?  Seems worth a try to me!  I will give it a shot and we’ll see what happens.  Plus it will give me more to write about.

 

I wrote about Yvette Cade earlier because her story is truly inspiring.  She is an optimistic and positive woman.  I am proud to have her on my blog.  I know there is much we can all learn from her.  As a woman, set on fire by her estranged and ex husband, Yvette is a survivor.  I am thankful to know her story.

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I’ve published quite a bit of information on the drjerm website about confidence, happiness, and emotional stability.  I have to admit that right now I am fully being put to the test.  There have been only a few times in my life where I have had an intense emotional response in a negative way.  These include:

 

• My first time living away from home in Ireland
• The first time my wife and I broke up when we were dating
• Other times I have felt betrayed, including the most recent one where a company whose owners I trusted ended up just getting rid of the developers, including me

 

I have to be honest with myself right now, I am very upset.  I’ve been working with one of the owners of the company I got axed from since April 2004 and I trusted him.  I no longer do at all.  Time after time, the owners talked about how important our development was and that we were safe from any down sizing.  The end result is that all the talk over the last 10 months has been B.S.  All talks of money, importance, everything just a load of crap.  This is how I feel when I am honest with myself about it.

 

So the challenge is what do you do when intense emotion is consuming you?  For some of you, this may be getting heart broken, suffering the death of a loved one, or getting betrayed as I have been.  I don’t claim to have all the answers to this, but I can at least share some experiences and insight.

 

Look to Actions and Evidence

 

The first thing is the fake, generalized talk that goes on between business associates, family members, and supposed friends - where everything is just a front to what is truly going on.  What is truly going on is what gets talked about behind closed doors.  What a married couple talks about when nobody is around.  What the owners, of the company I helped start and got axed from instantly, talk about in their closed door meetings.  This is the stuff that is open and honest, rarely talked about in public getherings and meetings, and is the truth about what people are really thinking.

 

For me, having this further amplified has been helpful.  I always knew in the back of my mind that most discussions we were having while I was at the business were just for time filling, but I can now look back and see many signs of hidden realities.  Perhaps you are getting promised a raise at your job or other perks.  If none of this is happening, don’t kid yourself.  The people promising it do not have it as a high priority.

 

Look towards the action that is taking place.  Examine very carefully the actions.  When all conversations are happening and done, trust what is actually going on.  There was plenty of talk with the young owners of this company about the money we’d make, how important we were, and everything else under the sun.  We even got proposed ownerships a couple weeks ago which included me getting a $20,000/year raise, and percentage ownerships and profit sharing.

 

The realities were that the developers were brushed aside, a means to an end, poorly treated, and important only for getting the business going.  As such, I accept some responsiblity for the situation that has happened to me.  The intense emotions that I am having make me human and I believe are defense mechanisms to let me know how a situations is going.  I’ve learned more fully that everyone has their own agendas they are trying to achieve.  For the young owners, we were a means to an end for their agenda.

 

In Their Shoes

 

Another way to handle this intense emotion I believe is to see it from the other sides point of view, the other side meaning the cause for the intense emotion.  I bet I can see it from the three owners points of view.  Let’s just call them A, B, and C.  A is the primary angel investor and is not young, while B and C are just two young guys with no experience, but decided to get into debt (in a variety of ways) in hopes that this company will make them millions.

 

The view point of angel investor A is simple.  They don’t want what they deem as un-necessary costs.  Five developers at the company was un-necessary to them.  So there is only developer left there as a supposed part time person to maintain systems.  The developers weren’t the only ones to go.  There were quite a few other people axed, including some graphics guys.  Angel investor A is the driving force behind the company’s decisions.  The two young owners are just like puppy dogs, following their orders as they don’t have a clue what they are doing.

 

We will call owner B, just a young guy who I’ve known for a couple years now.  He thinks highly of himself.  He doesn’t want to work for someone ever doing a day job.  He talks a lot saying one thing, but having in his mind his own agendas.  He wants to make a lot of money and do whatever he wants in life.  He tries to appear charming and good with people, but that is just a cover for his own hidden agendas.  It is sad, I used to admire this guy.

 

Owner C is the owner I first helped start a website with in early 2004.  I considered him a good friend and good business associate.  We talked a lot about what was going on and plans for the future.  Slowly over time, I was pushed more and more out of the picture.  I am sure he feels a little bit bad for the situation.  But in his mind, he wants to have the company stay alive and that means anything goes to make that happen.

 

So here was have three owners, and probably like many company owners, they make decisions soley for themselves and I can understand that.  After all, if you own a company you want it to make money.  But at what cost?  Losing friendships and ruining relationships?  Is a business and becoming a multi-millionaire really worth that?  For some, it appears to be so.

 

Final Thoughts

 

I have a much amplified sensor now when it comes to people wanting to start a business and asking for the help of others.  My view point may even be a little skewed and over the edge now because of this situation.  All I can say is, don’t get trapped by people who want your help with a business and promising you things if you help.  What is really going on is they need your skills which they don’t have and you are a means to their end for their success.  Keep your guard up and don’t let yourself get roped in.

 

That’s not to say that there isn’t good honest people trying to start a business.  It just means be very careful when anyone starting a business asks for your help.  You may be fortunate and find that they are actually genuine.  But if you face a situation like me, you are better off saying no and just leaving it at that.

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It has been just over a day now since drastic measures were taken place at a company I helped start about 10 months ago.  I was let go – a supposed executive and part owner.  Someone who helped one of the young owners start a website and worked hard developing it without pay for over a year so I could partner with him on the website.

 

I write to educate others that they may see warning signs and be guarded against some of the snares I let myself get entrapped in.  I do not use the name of the company nor the names of the owners because I am a man of integrity and honesty and I do not believe in slander.  However, I believe that much is amiss and this is far from the end of this situation.

 

August 2007, I notified Ancestry.com that I would be leaving for another company where I was promised executive management and ownership.  Ancestry.com is a great company to work for.  They provided me with great pay and benefits, and the working environment was reasonable (except for a few ergonomic issues).  The two guys that were investing money to start the company were/are young and inexperienced.  But I’ve known one of them for a few years and we started a website together that was pretty successful that was being ‘merged’ into this new company.

 

Before I started work at this new company, the two young guys who were the main owners had purchased a building that was being fixed up to get ready for the initial group of people to start working.  Even a couple weeks before work was to start, the building was run down, garbage was everywhere and it was still in need of carpeting and other fitting.  This was warning sign number 1, that there was not much preparation or thought going into the initial launch of the company.  I should have realized that these two guys were young and inexperienced and were saying and doing whatever it took to pursue their dreams of being multi-millionaires.

 

But I continued on happily, remaining optimisitc, and in the end, I had to extend my work at Ancestry.com another week because the building was not quite ready to work in yet.  Eventually it was and my twin brother and I setup all the networking for the building which took about 10 hours on a Saturday for which we were paid lunch and that’s it.  This was warning sign number 2.

 

Now keep in mind, all this time, I was a part owner of a website that me and one of the ‘owners’ had been working on.  It was paying me a very good extra income each month, surpassing $5,000 monthly in addition to my job at Ancestry.com.  Unfortunately, this income ceased and I accepted a meager salary to start working at this company for which benefits were promised.  But it wasn’t until many months into the future that the promised benefits even started to surface.  This was warning sign number 3.

 

My twin brother and I started doing the development for the entire company and started with our own offices.  Over time, we were eventually moved out of our offices to make way for other people coming in.  Slowly but surely, we were being brushed to the side, but asked to urgently work and as such this was warning sign number 4, that we were just a means to an end.

 

There was another company that was part of the new company doing internet coaching.  There were two brothers who owned roughly 49 percent of that company.  They were unethical, unreasonable, and greedy.  I’m not quite sure why they were given a chance to come aboard and take part in all this.  Evntually their behavior was caught fully and they were dismissed.  This was warning sign number 5, and that is how on earth two people like this were given a 49 percent ownership in a company.

 

We eventually moved into a newer building and our development team was promptly moved into an old radio room with no windows.  Once again, brushed aside, we tried to remain positive and optimistic.  Our ownerships at this point were still vague.  We had been constantly time after time, hounding the two young owners as to what our ownerships were.  We were promised much, but in the end, I had a 20% stake in one of the companies and my twin brother 5%.  But who knows what this really met.  This took many months after the start of this company.  This was warning sign number 6.

 

Eventually development got moved into a conference room where we at least could put up some cubicle walls.  But it was evident that development was becoming less and less important.  We were hounded to work on stuff, but over time, the focus was shifting to getting more sales.  A head sales manager was hired and offered a salary 4 times what I was getting.  This was warning sign number 7.

 

You’d think that with all these warning signs that I would have made better choices.  Well, my twin brother and I must have met with the young owners 50 times expressing concerns, asking for our roles/ownerships to be hashed out more.  But everything was always delayed.  Eventually, an ‘angel investor’ was brought into the picture and because he was investing the most money, he gained the majority say in what was to be done with the company.  This was warning sign number 8.

 

Keep in mind that I gave up a good job with good benefits with a good salary and bonuses.  I had an extra income between $3,000 and $5,000 coming in each month from my bonus work on the website I helped start with one of the young owners.  It can definitely be said that I gave up much and gained not much in return.  In addition, my wife did some work for this new company for which she was never paid.  I had to hound one of the young owners to pay money he owed me from work I did over six months ago.  This was warning sign number 9.

 

An accountant was hired for the new company and a focus on money was being emphasized.  Every time I talked to the young owners it was always ‘risk/reward’ determines what you get.  In their minds, if you did not risk money, you did not risk anything.  To this I say, ‘baloney’.  I’ve lost roughly $50,000 a year from bonus pay and the salary I was making at this new company.  I gave my time and talents.  To say that is not a risk is ridiculous.  This was warning sign number 10.

 

In the end, it was an endless struggle to try and work out ownership and roles within the company.  But what it came down to was trimming the company down and using the website I helped create as a ‘cash cow’ to help fund this new company.  As a supposed 25% owner of one of the companies, my voice has fallen on deaf ears.  Now I see this company being run into the ground, it’s value being stripped away and nothing to be seen from it.  This is warning sign number 11.

 

So what does this mean for you reading this?  It means do not despair.  I am still optimistic and positive.  A burning inside me continues to make drjerm.com the place for being educated, uplifted, and inspired.  I believe in time that this site will be well known around the world and that my inspiring stories and educating articles will have helped millions.  I hope that the thoughts I’ve shared help at least some people avoid being used as a means to an end to further less talented people’s greedy ambitions.

 

I have grown a burning in me and a sadness as two young people, who have said and done whatever it takes to get people to be a means to an end as they seek to become multi-millionaires for a company that is only going down hill now.  I feel betrayed, but at the same time know that I am at fault for allowing this to happen.  However, I’ve learned some valuable lessons that will strengthen me for the future and I will move onward with courage and determination.  I hope the seriousness of my tone conveys a message that will protect others from what happened to me.

 

Nevertheless I know that I am one man and have room for error in my thought process.  But I also know I am intelligent and smart.  May those who have read this learn from what I have experienced.

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